From Abu Dhabi to Edinburgh

Dougie signals a 'T' meaning ten goals please

After almost two years away covering the Abu Dhabi hockey league I have returned to the UK for a flying visit before trekking on to the United States to work on an expose on the dangers of hitting to the head in the National Hockey League but why, we, as a blood thirsty society, love to see someone 'get their bell rung' anyway.

Abu Dhabi was a hell of an experience for those 600+ days I spent with my toes in the sand. The hockey out there is a different breed altogether. In fact, I'd go as far as to say it is indeed the toughest hockey league in the entire sport - you wouldn't believe how hard it is to skate in sand ... actually, maybe you would.

Anyway, on my flying visit to the UK I'll be in Scotland to watch the Belfast Giants take on the might of the Edinburgh Capitals. The last time I took in a British Elite League game involving the Edinburgh Capitals, it was against Nottingham, and they were shit then too, though they still beat Nottingham. So it comes as no great shock for me to see them rooted to the bottom of the EIHL table with a record so bad they make Justin Bieber's latest record look good.

15 points in 45 games with the kind of scoring record that not even a Jewish prostitute in my beloved Abu Dhabi would be proud of ... and I would know. They are conceding an average of 7.13 goals per game which should make them about as serious of a threat to the Belfast Giants this weekend as Brad Voth is to the fair play award. Their 580 penalty minutes as a team combined are the kind of numbers Paxton Schulte would put up in a passive season by himself.

Anyway, Giants head honcho Doug Christiansen is taking them serious with the knowledge that the Giants fans will be calling for his head if his team fails to notch up double figures in scoring.

"We won’t be taking them lightly, despite their short bench right now. We want to get in there and go to work, just like we would any other night," he claimed to a pack of respected, top quality journalists and myself, while eyeing each of us to see if we were actually buying what he was trying to sell.

In all the Giants will face the Capitals and Stingrays on the road this weekend were anything but four points, twenty goals and two cases of Tennents will do.

***

The British Elite Division?

For the production of this blog entry I had to study the league table on the Elite League website. While on there I noticed a few strange notes that have me wondering if their is a new side to the Elite League that has sprung up since I left for the Middle East? According to their website a team with an 'X' beside their name have clinched a playoff position, while a team with a 'Y' next to their name have clinched first-place in the division.

The division?

Hold up! While Sheffield, Belfast and Cardiff are battling it out for the league title I wasn't aware that in winning it they were simply taking the divisional honours. Would I be wrong in assuming that there is therefore another table full of teams making up some parallel division? In winning this division is there promotion to some higher division? Or maybe there is some parallel universal division? I don't know but the implications are mind-blowing for one who until moments ago thought that those in the table on the Elite League website were the only teams in the Elite League at all. That the EIHL website doesn't mention the other division is odd, and something I may have to return from the United States in a week or so's time to investigate.

A Message To You Blackie

It takes a lot to wake the Snow Plough from hibernation. I mean even the hilarity of Andre Payette being made a coach in Sheffield wasn't enough to bring us out of our nice warm bed.

But then something was brought to my attention, A hilarious letter to Neil Black dictating how the Panthers fans are unhappy to still be in the top half, nay, top four of the league table, in the Challenge Cup final and more financially sound than the countries own economy.

So in the spirit of letter writing;

Dear Mr Black,

It is with regret that I feel it necessary to contact you directly to outline my outright adulation at the situation at Nottingham Panthers Ice Hockey Club. If you wish to discuss any aspect of this letter with me personally you may not do so as I feel this to be only a sporting opinion held by myself, I have no means to claim it to be the opinion of any other fan across the wider UK hockey world and by no means consider myself to be any sort of a spokesman.

Whilst I have written this letter personally I have also asked if any other fans agree with the points I have made to indicate that agreement via the petitionsonline.co.uk website. This bares no onus on the content of the letter, nor provide any weight to the theories placed in the letter, however, for your own amusement you can see the results via the following link: http://tinyurl.com/sexyneilson

I am unsure you are aware of the current strength of feeling of a large majority of the fans across UK Hockey, I certainly don’t, as I have said already I do not consider myself any form of a self appointed spokesman. I do personally feel, however, that the club cannot move forward unless both Corey Neilson and Gary Moran are relieved of their duties at the club.

For this reason I implore you to retain their services indefinitely.

With reference to Corey’s position I do not think it can be denied that he is a dedicated man who has given the Panthers many years of loyal service, my thoughts, though long established, do not tarnish my belief that Corey has tried his best at every juncture both as a player and as a coach. That said it is clear something, as we stand now, is very wrong. The results, and moreover the performances on the ice show that to be the case.

However as fans of sporting clubs you are expected to ‘take the rough with the smooth’, a theory lost on many who seemingly believe in a divine right to glory. The purchase of a game ticket provides you entry to a period of sporting entertainment. I am not so naïve as to deny there to be an element of emotional attachment; however in the last few weeks you will have encountered many fans who have mistaken this attachment for a means of over-inflated involvement, expectation and outright demand for improvement at not only an on-ice personnel level, but more outrageously a business level also.

I was present in Belfast when Nottingham players, broke the curfew set for the entire roster. I believe this showed a complete lack of respect for us the fans, their teammates but also, more worryingly, a similar lack of respect for Corey. This took place in a public bar among a large selection of Panthers fans, who I myself witnessed purchase drinks for the players and encourage them to continue their fraternisation beyond said curfew time. Other fans present, who subsequently complained about the situation at hand, made no attempt to question the players judgement, or challenge them on their activities prior to a big game.

While I will not attempt to patronise you on the internal discipline methods of the Nottingham Panthers, and not expect, as some have, a public flogging that would satisfy a small selection of the teams own fans, while highly entertain myself and possibly the wider community, I would ask that you continue to run the club in the manner you see fit.

It is clear there have been requests from within your own fan-base to relieve Mr Neilson from his position forthwith, subsequently “sending a message” of a changed culture. I would, again, implore you to allow these pleas to fall on deaf ears. You are an experienced business man and one who is aware that rule by committee, especially in this case, can be disastrous. You need only look toward St James Park, and the initial changes made at the behest of the fanbase that were a contributing factor to the demise of a once great football club.

As much as a similar demise would entertain, the joy provided by, what has been seemingly dubbed, in social network circles, as #SexyNeilsonHockey is one I believe, would provide a greater good to all.

A more controversial belief but one some genuinely hold is that Gary Moran is a huge part of the reason the club is not achieving the success its resources should elicit. I personally find this quite a poor attempt to undermine not only the current internal business model of the Nottingham Panthers, one that has reportedly seen your team become one of the more ‘profitable’ teams in the country, but also a direct slight on your own recruitment machinations. They seem to feel your own business approach to recruitment unfit for their needs. What right they have to hold this I am wholly unsure, but to pay any attention to the overly emotional ramblings would be an utter mistake.

The media output from the club is, in my opinion, awful for a club with the self-moniker as ‘the biggest in the league’. This is not surprising however to continue in this vain and retain the high attendance numbers the NIC regularly sees shows that something is going very right in the organisation. Either that, or there are a lot of very gullible people in Nottingham, prime for the milking.

There is also a huge level of annoyance amongst the fans at the perceived ‘spin’ that is applied to anything which comes out from the club. Wholly understandable given recent events and results. To purvey a negative club status would be ridiculous if the aim is to bring in new fans and new revenue streams. Another fact missed by the spokesmen who believe themselves to be acting on behalf of the entire NIC faithful. Which of course they do not.

Ultimately the success of the Nottingham Panthers off ice, and the relative success on the ice, with the recent demolition of the Newcastle Vipers, a means to waltzing into the Challenge Cup Final, has not seemed to be enough to those "loyal fans" who believe they are entitled to more of a say in the running of a club they merely pay a ticket to watch.

Though the ultimate prize of a league championship evades the Panthers organisation, the hard work done to keep it as one of the countries few ice hockey franchises in the black (if you pardon the pun), in a sport that loses teams to financial obscurity on a regular basis displays utter pomposity, a delusion of grandeur and most of all a misunderstanding of what sport is.

Were I in your shoes Mr Black, should a campaign be successful in retrieving high numbers of Panthers fans looking for a change at board level in order to gain what they believe to be success, I would leave them to it and focus my finances above the border, in a team who are already grateful to exist, a fan base who understand what sport is and how lucky they are to have the opportunity to watch it, and most of all, will not turn on the organisation, its board and its coach even when the team is enjoying success that other franchises can currently only dream of.

Please do not contact me if you wish to discuss anything, whether contained in this letter or not, in more detail.

I wish you luck.

Yours Faithfully,


Derek White

Giants win the Challenge Cup

Holy good shit, were have we been? Did I fall into some time warp that just shit me out in March 2009? The last time I wrote on here was sometime in September 2008. I had to check on that to be sure, and check again. I cannot believe how fast time has went this season and how much hockey has been played. I think the reason is that I have been so stunned over the last three to four months at the severe lack of controversy across the league that my hands couldn't function long enough to string two words together.

Until today of course.

Controversy is all around the fans of the Belfast Giants. The fucking hypocrites. For years now they have treated the Challenge Cup as Manchester United treat the League Cup -- as a waste of time, man hours, money, with too much risk of injury to their hero's . . . Until they win the dam thing.

Ah, on St. Patrick's day of all days as well. The Giants fans took to winning a trophy they cared not if their team entered a year or two ago with such passion that the crowds spilled over onto the streets and St. Patrick's day became a bi-product of what was really being celebrated on 17 March.

I was on the streets in Belfast yesterday, I was in Dundonald last night. I was wearing a Green leprechaun hat and proceeded to get chased by raving lunatics as I made my way out of Dundonald, through East Belfast and into the city. What was that all about?

Something to do with dressing like a leprechaun in a loyalist part of town you might say?

Absolutely not. Not in this day and age. No those chasing me were wearing teal and white jerseys with Finn McCool on the badge. These were Giants fans reacting to a question I put to them on my way out of the game...

"Why are you celebrating winning this cup you called pointless just a few years ago?"

I got away from them however and took shelter in the more passive and more orderly, but still not orderly streets of the Holy Land area of the city.

C&C Question Factoy

Questions Questions Questions.

Like "Who Are You?"

"What Is Life?"

and

"Did Anyone Actually Care About The Panthers Game Against Geneva? Did It Actually Happen?"

This and much much more will not be answered in this short blog of the week. However two questions will raise their heads.

1. How can Brad Cruickshank getaway with crosschecking an official?

Yes he was 3rd man into the the altrication between Clouthier and Sharp. Thats the first penalty.

He also crosschecked a player who was on the ice (the league deem this to not be as bad as punching someone who's on the ice?), Next penalty.

This action incites another fight between him and Burnett. surely a game penalty.. AND a 1 match ban under the new "inciting a fight in the last few minutes of a game"?

Yet no... Cruickshank gets no such ban. He hurts Staniforth, incites a fight (theres a difference between Clouthier and Sharp agreeing to fight and C'Shank inciting one by attacking Clouthier on the ice), and gets off scot free?

Anyone would think Mike O'Connor went into the Refs room after the game and threatened not to let the Steelers go to Manchester if any of his players were banned.

But no. That doesn't happen? does it?

2. Where's Nigel Boniface?

Anyone would think he's on a months suspension. What would drive them to that?
And of course if such a thing were true, the league would have told us? Wouldn't they have?

It's been quite an interesting weekend in the EIHL.

Coup and the Gang!

How many times, on how many different forums, have we heard time and time again about how fan harken for the days of the ISL, the days of all import leagues. Where the brits are disregarded and we have the "good ol days".

Well I hope you're happy! I hope you all have a smile on your face. Because this is the weekend you've been waiting for isn't it. The GB team have marched on Poland (insert joke here).. leaving the lunatics to take over the asylum!

Teams have been left stripped bare, no Tony Hand, no Jonno Phillips, No Dave Longstaff, No Greg Chambers (can the Bison actually deal with that?), no Robert Dowd! ROBERT DOWD! "The Saviour of Sheffield"!

No, now all teams are left to face EIHL competition (well I say all, not the Panthers, nor the Giants who are either not playing or facing pointless European opposition), with stripped down teams.

Its a weekend of two line, substandard import hockey!

Man, don't you love the EIHL!

Missing Video's and Missing Thornton as Payette waits outcome on the assassination attempt

You've all seen it by now I am sure. Steve Thornton descending to the level of dumb caveman and clubbing the leagues most popular player over the head. Unfortunately to date we only have the one camera angle to go on filmed by a private citizen named Abraham Zapruder.

The Zapruder film is a silent 8 mm color home movie of the clubbing of Andre Payette through centre ice in Newcastle, England, on September 21, 2008. The film is the most complete visual recording of the assassination attempt on Enforcer Andre Payette.

Word has it the Giants had men in black coats remove all other video footage, but accidently looked over this one angle which has now leaked out.

Steve Thornton has not been seen since and the Elite League disciplinary wing are appealing to anyone who knows of his where abouts.

A mole deep within the web of the Elite League hierarchy, at a location he would only describe as a 'large underground network of offices' had this to say,
"The bosses are not happy and are demanding the return of all other video angles so that proper analysis of the incident can be made. Mr. Thornton can run but he cannot hide forever".

Giants GM Todd Kelman would not return calls but was seen dropping a brown envelope into a bag carried by referee Mike Hicks as he passed by him in a Newcastle street the following morning. Hicks assessed Thornton 2+2 for accidental high sticks and has not included the incident in his match report to the league.

What Have We Learned?

Well kids, the first weekend of fixtures has been and gone, and not without incident.

The Forums are ablaze with wailing and knashing of teeth. Mainly the Cage Forum who are up in arms about Hull one idiot even shouting for the franchise to be shut down, the ironic hypocrisy is not lost on other forums thankfully.

The Snow Plough does not give opinions on mattes such as that which took place at the Novice Ice Centre last Sunday, and there is no indication of schadenfreude here for the actions were reprehensible. Yet a touch of self-relaisation may be needed for the Panthers fans who in the past shrugged their shoulders and celebrated similar actions of those in black and canary yellow…. Ho-hum.

Meanwhile, the other half of the failing marriage, Sheffield, have been once again bawling their eyes out about Brad Voth. I mean seriously. It’s even immerged that Matsos tried to take Voth to Sheffield over the summer. So it all stinks of sour grapes, the Sheffield PR machine watching Voth’s every move in order to continue their on going poor attempt at a smear campaign.

Voth is one of the great players of the Elite League, and whining like this, and constant childish vendettas serve no purpose other than to drive a streak between the league and players of Voths standard. We already have few of these as there is, yet Sheffield feel adamant in their moaning that Voth should be “banned”. Probably for the simple reason that not one man in the Sheffield side is fit to lace the boots of Brad Voth. Poor show by all involved in Sheffield.

But hey, what have we learned.

Well I wouldn’t really call it learning, but once again the EIHL showed their inept capability to organise a pish up in a brewery, on two fronts.

1. Showing all the wit of a drunk playing pool. The EIHL referees weren’t sure whether they were to wear stripes or solids! In Sheffield and Newcastle you had the good old “Stripies” back, while in Belfast and Basingstoke, the new pointless solid shirts.

The cynic in me would say, well why would Mike Hicks not wear the stripe shirt, but favour the CH Sports made new shirt?

But apparently, in a sign of great forethought, the decision to scrap both the shirts (which The Plough highlighted as pointless only 4 short weeks ago) and the 4 man system was communicated to the referees, by e-mail, at about 4pm on Saturday. So of course those who had to travel didn’t see it.

2. In Manchester on Sunday night the game was abandoned after 2 periods due to the ice in one half of the rink being thin, and sand coming through making playing conditions dangerous.

Of course as this has happened before the precendent has been laid down by the EIHL, Basingstoke and Sheffield ended after 2 periods in a draw. However they decided the fixture at the next meeting of the pari, with a 5 minute OT period of play before the game.

So this should be what took place here isn’t it?

Of course not. They had a penalty shootout on the “good ice”.

If you pick up a dictionary in EIHL HQ you’ll find a missing page, this page contained the word consistency, so it’s no wonder they’ve got confused.

The EIHL, what can I say.

Four Refs Good, Two Skates Bad!

Well, who would have thought it. The Tessier Saga has its latest chapter opened for us all to see.

Tessier (he of terrible website fame) has today returned for a second stint with the Nothingham Panthers. A team he, of course, vowed never to return to because he “hated the city”. Now if you think for one second that was mere Steelers PR, well I don’t know where you get your crazy ideas.

Tessier seems to have taken on the role of Snowball from Orwell’s Animal Farm. Having arrived in Sheffield mid-season last year following the departure of Jeremy Cornish, Tessier proceeded to revive a Steelers team, though still in the hunt, from what was a down turn and centre them to the Playoff title, culminating in the Steelers fans screaming in almighty joy as Tessier taunted the Panthers fans in, what of course wasn’t a PR stunt!, lifting a set of Golf Clubs over his head on the ice of the NIC.

But all of a sudden “the truth” emerged!

Tessier was cast asunder! He wasn’t the player they had seen on the ice who scored umpteen points, won 90% of his face offs and basically ran the show!

No!

He was the problem!

He had to go!

Booo Dan Tessier! Boo and Hiss!

Dave “Napoleon” Simms played it coy!

Bob “Squealer” Westerdale told us the “truth”!

And the poor animals of Sheffield and SteelTalk, lapped it all up.

It wasn’t Snowball! It was “Steeeeeeeeve”!

So what now?

Dan’s crossed back over the fence to Foxwood Farm and the “Biggest Rivalry since God v Devil” continues with a bit of spice.

Here at The Plough we’ll be entrigued to see how Simms and Moran spin the various issues.

We await Tessier’s claims that “The reason I didn’t return previously was that I didn’t see eye to eye with Mike Ellis, but that’s all good now he’s gone”.

We await the fickle fans in Nothingham hailing their saviours return “We never really hated you.. we were only kidding, you’re great!”

And we await the Steelers fans continuing to fall for the Simms-Star PR machine telling them what they should think of it all!. BOOO Dan Tessier! Hisssssss!

It’s all rather exciting really, isn’t it?

Just to add . . .

On the crazy news broke to the world by Mr. White today of referee's wearing black uniforms there is one positive I would just like to mention.

That infamous chant lost at football grounds a decade ago will be revived at hockey rinks across the U.K.:

"Who's the bastard in the Black? . . . Who's the bastard in the Black?"

4 is the Magic Number

Months and Months and Months and Months ago The Plough brought you the news that the EIHL were deciding upon at 4 man refereeing system. Well it seems they finally came to that decision with today's announcement of the new 2 referee system for all competitions.

Now the cynical ones among you will claim that now there are two bumbling fools ready to make twice the amount of errors. And of course, you'll be right. However The Plough would like to bring up another stumbling block in this great plan from EIHL towers.

Shirts.

The new god-awful referee and linesmen shirts no longer bare the traditional black and white stripes but will be predominantly black with a silly looking coloured band denoting their on-ice role.

Now apart from looking like some 1970's sports shop reject, these shirts will bode very well with the large collection of mainly black away shirts to be worn by Nottingham, Manchester, Newcastle and a black third shirt brought out by Belfast.

Whomever at EIHL Towers thought up this bright idea clearly did not think it through. I hope that the new outfits will come especially padded for those high passes. And no doubt they will give Sheffield fans the opportunity to cry about the "Extra 4 men in Black" when the Panthers beat them at the Sheffield Arena.

So, apart from the fact that you are bound to get an inexperienced ref, alongside an experienced one and hence some strange and inconsistent calls in the game. You may also be spending your time confusing the ref for a forward on an odd man rush.

I think this can be described as, Classic Elite League!