Giants win the Challenge Cup

Holy good shit, were have we been? Did I fall into some time warp that just shit me out in March 2009? The last time I wrote on here was sometime in September 2008. I had to check on that to be sure, and check again. I cannot believe how fast time has went this season and how much hockey has been played. I think the reason is that I have been so stunned over the last three to four months at the severe lack of controversy across the league that my hands couldn't function long enough to string two words together.

Until today of course.

Controversy is all around the fans of the Belfast Giants. The fucking hypocrites. For years now they have treated the Challenge Cup as Manchester United treat the League Cup -- as a waste of time, man hours, money, with too much risk of injury to their hero's . . . Until they win the dam thing.

Ah, on St. Patrick's day of all days as well. The Giants fans took to winning a trophy they cared not if their team entered a year or two ago with such passion that the crowds spilled over onto the streets and St. Patrick's day became a bi-product of what was really being celebrated on 17 March.

I was on the streets in Belfast yesterday, I was in Dundonald last night. I was wearing a Green leprechaun hat and proceeded to get chased by raving lunatics as I made my way out of Dundonald, through East Belfast and into the city. What was that all about?

Something to do with dressing like a leprechaun in a loyalist part of town you might say?

Absolutely not. Not in this day and age. No those chasing me were wearing teal and white jerseys with Finn McCool on the badge. These were Giants fans reacting to a question I put to them on my way out of the game...

"Why are you celebrating winning this cup you called pointless just a few years ago?"

I got away from them however and took shelter in the more passive and more orderly, but still not orderly streets of the Holy Land area of the city.

C&C Question Factoy

Questions Questions Questions.

Like "Who Are You?"

"What Is Life?"

and

"Did Anyone Actually Care About The Panthers Game Against Geneva? Did It Actually Happen?"

This and much much more will not be answered in this short blog of the week. However two questions will raise their heads.

1. How can Brad Cruickshank getaway with crosschecking an official?

Yes he was 3rd man into the the altrication between Clouthier and Sharp. Thats the first penalty.

He also crosschecked a player who was on the ice (the league deem this to not be as bad as punching someone who's on the ice?), Next penalty.

This action incites another fight between him and Burnett. surely a game penalty.. AND a 1 match ban under the new "inciting a fight in the last few minutes of a game"?

Yet no... Cruickshank gets no such ban. He hurts Staniforth, incites a fight (theres a difference between Clouthier and Sharp agreeing to fight and C'Shank inciting one by attacking Clouthier on the ice), and gets off scot free?

Anyone would think Mike O'Connor went into the Refs room after the game and threatened not to let the Steelers go to Manchester if any of his players were banned.

But no. That doesn't happen? does it?

2. Where's Nigel Boniface?

Anyone would think he's on a months suspension. What would drive them to that?
And of course if such a thing were true, the league would have told us? Wouldn't they have?

It's been quite an interesting weekend in the EIHL.

Coup and the Gang!

How many times, on how many different forums, have we heard time and time again about how fan harken for the days of the ISL, the days of all import leagues. Where the brits are disregarded and we have the "good ol days".

Well I hope you're happy! I hope you all have a smile on your face. Because this is the weekend you've been waiting for isn't it. The GB team have marched on Poland (insert joke here).. leaving the lunatics to take over the asylum!

Teams have been left stripped bare, no Tony Hand, no Jonno Phillips, No Dave Longstaff, No Greg Chambers (can the Bison actually deal with that?), no Robert Dowd! ROBERT DOWD! "The Saviour of Sheffield"!

No, now all teams are left to face EIHL competition (well I say all, not the Panthers, nor the Giants who are either not playing or facing pointless European opposition), with stripped down teams.

Its a weekend of two line, substandard import hockey!

Man, don't you love the EIHL!

Missing Video's and Missing Thornton as Payette waits outcome on the assassination attempt

You've all seen it by now I am sure. Steve Thornton descending to the level of dumb caveman and clubbing the leagues most popular player over the head. Unfortunately to date we only have the one camera angle to go on filmed by a private citizen named Abraham Zapruder.

The Zapruder film is a silent 8 mm color home movie of the clubbing of Andre Payette through centre ice in Newcastle, England, on September 21, 2008. The film is the most complete visual recording of the assassination attempt on Enforcer Andre Payette.

Word has it the Giants had men in black coats remove all other video footage, but accidently looked over this one angle which has now leaked out.

Steve Thornton has not been seen since and the Elite League disciplinary wing are appealing to anyone who knows of his where abouts.

A mole deep within the web of the Elite League hierarchy, at a location he would only describe as a 'large underground network of offices' had this to say,
"The bosses are not happy and are demanding the return of all other video angles so that proper analysis of the incident can be made. Mr. Thornton can run but he cannot hide forever".

Giants GM Todd Kelman would not return calls but was seen dropping a brown envelope into a bag carried by referee Mike Hicks as he passed by him in a Newcastle street the following morning. Hicks assessed Thornton 2+2 for accidental high sticks and has not included the incident in his match report to the league.

What Have We Learned?

Well kids, the first weekend of fixtures has been and gone, and not without incident.

The Forums are ablaze with wailing and knashing of teeth. Mainly the Cage Forum who are up in arms about Hull one idiot even shouting for the franchise to be shut down, the ironic hypocrisy is not lost on other forums thankfully.

The Snow Plough does not give opinions on mattes such as that which took place at the Novice Ice Centre last Sunday, and there is no indication of schadenfreude here for the actions were reprehensible. Yet a touch of self-relaisation may be needed for the Panthers fans who in the past shrugged their shoulders and celebrated similar actions of those in black and canary yellow…. Ho-hum.

Meanwhile, the other half of the failing marriage, Sheffield, have been once again bawling their eyes out about Brad Voth. I mean seriously. It’s even immerged that Matsos tried to take Voth to Sheffield over the summer. So it all stinks of sour grapes, the Sheffield PR machine watching Voth’s every move in order to continue their on going poor attempt at a smear campaign.

Voth is one of the great players of the Elite League, and whining like this, and constant childish vendettas serve no purpose other than to drive a streak between the league and players of Voths standard. We already have few of these as there is, yet Sheffield feel adamant in their moaning that Voth should be “banned”. Probably for the simple reason that not one man in the Sheffield side is fit to lace the boots of Brad Voth. Poor show by all involved in Sheffield.

But hey, what have we learned.

Well I wouldn’t really call it learning, but once again the EIHL showed their inept capability to organise a pish up in a brewery, on two fronts.

1. Showing all the wit of a drunk playing pool. The EIHL referees weren’t sure whether they were to wear stripes or solids! In Sheffield and Newcastle you had the good old “Stripies” back, while in Belfast and Basingstoke, the new pointless solid shirts.

The cynic in me would say, well why would Mike Hicks not wear the stripe shirt, but favour the CH Sports made new shirt?

But apparently, in a sign of great forethought, the decision to scrap both the shirts (which The Plough highlighted as pointless only 4 short weeks ago) and the 4 man system was communicated to the referees, by e-mail, at about 4pm on Saturday. So of course those who had to travel didn’t see it.

2. In Manchester on Sunday night the game was abandoned after 2 periods due to the ice in one half of the rink being thin, and sand coming through making playing conditions dangerous.

Of course as this has happened before the precendent has been laid down by the EIHL, Basingstoke and Sheffield ended after 2 periods in a draw. However they decided the fixture at the next meeting of the pari, with a 5 minute OT period of play before the game.

So this should be what took place here isn’t it?

Of course not. They had a penalty shootout on the “good ice”.

If you pick up a dictionary in EIHL HQ you’ll find a missing page, this page contained the word consistency, so it’s no wonder they’ve got confused.

The EIHL, what can I say.

Four Refs Good, Two Skates Bad!

Well, who would have thought it. The Tessier Saga has its latest chapter opened for us all to see.

Tessier (he of terrible website fame) has today returned for a second stint with the Nothingham Panthers. A team he, of course, vowed never to return to because he “hated the city”. Now if you think for one second that was mere Steelers PR, well I don’t know where you get your crazy ideas.

Tessier seems to have taken on the role of Snowball from Orwell’s Animal Farm. Having arrived in Sheffield mid-season last year following the departure of Jeremy Cornish, Tessier proceeded to revive a Steelers team, though still in the hunt, from what was a down turn and centre them to the Playoff title, culminating in the Steelers fans screaming in almighty joy as Tessier taunted the Panthers fans in, what of course wasn’t a PR stunt!, lifting a set of Golf Clubs over his head on the ice of the NIC.

But all of a sudden “the truth” emerged!

Tessier was cast asunder! He wasn’t the player they had seen on the ice who scored umpteen points, won 90% of his face offs and basically ran the show!

No!

He was the problem!

He had to go!

Booo Dan Tessier! Boo and Hiss!

Dave “Napoleon” Simms played it coy!

Bob “Squealer” Westerdale told us the “truth”!

And the poor animals of Sheffield and SteelTalk, lapped it all up.

It wasn’t Snowball! It was “Steeeeeeeeve”!

So what now?

Dan’s crossed back over the fence to Foxwood Farm and the “Biggest Rivalry since God v Devil” continues with a bit of spice.

Here at The Plough we’ll be entrigued to see how Simms and Moran spin the various issues.

We await Tessier’s claims that “The reason I didn’t return previously was that I didn’t see eye to eye with Mike Ellis, but that’s all good now he’s gone”.

We await the fickle fans in Nothingham hailing their saviours return “We never really hated you.. we were only kidding, you’re great!”

And we await the Steelers fans continuing to fall for the Simms-Star PR machine telling them what they should think of it all!. BOOO Dan Tessier! Hisssssss!

It’s all rather exciting really, isn’t it?

Just to add . . .

On the crazy news broke to the world by Mr. White today of referee's wearing black uniforms there is one positive I would just like to mention.

That infamous chant lost at football grounds a decade ago will be revived at hockey rinks across the U.K.:

"Who's the bastard in the Black? . . . Who's the bastard in the Black?"

4 is the Magic Number

Months and Months and Months and Months ago The Plough brought you the news that the EIHL were deciding upon at 4 man refereeing system. Well it seems they finally came to that decision with today's announcement of the new 2 referee system for all competitions.

Now the cynical ones among you will claim that now there are two bumbling fools ready to make twice the amount of errors. And of course, you'll be right. However The Plough would like to bring up another stumbling block in this great plan from EIHL towers.

Shirts.

The new god-awful referee and linesmen shirts no longer bare the traditional black and white stripes but will be predominantly black with a silly looking coloured band denoting their on-ice role.

Now apart from looking like some 1970's sports shop reject, these shirts will bode very well with the large collection of mainly black away shirts to be worn by Nottingham, Manchester, Newcastle and a black third shirt brought out by Belfast.

Whomever at EIHL Towers thought up this bright idea clearly did not think it through. I hope that the new outfits will come especially padded for those high passes. And no doubt they will give Sheffield fans the opportunity to cry about the "Extra 4 men in Black" when the Panthers beat them at the Sheffield Arena.

So, apart from the fact that you are bound to get an inexperienced ref, alongside an experienced one and hence some strange and inconsistent calls in the game. You may also be spending your time confusing the ref for a forward on an odd man rush.

I think this can be described as, Classic Elite League!

Andre Payette and the George Laraque factor

It is funny what a deluge of rain across Britain will do to a man. I have just spent the last six weeks away from home only to return to this cloud covered land and already I have hit the bottle. I spent the day rummaging through the various websites and message boards that make up the rumor hub of the Elite League to see where exactly we all stood just a month and a week shy of the opening games of yet another hockey season.

Not much, as I have found out, has been written over the summer months about the Laraque/Payette tandem, but those who write about our sport and those who play in it have been talking about it in hushed tones and now word has finally leaked out that Andre Payette and his fitness coach back in Canada have called in the toughest man in hockey, George Laraque to train the Vipers enforcer in the finer arts of fist fighting ahead of the new season.

It all made sense and I recognised what he was up to immediately. From his tearful breakdown behind the Vipers locker-room after losing his third straight fight last season, to the delusional thinking that he was still heavy weight champion of the EIHL. Rumor had it that upon learning of other enforcer’s off-season training regimes, Payette went into a fit of rage and his trainer realised something had to be done to bring his man up to standard for when the gloves were dropped.

Looking back now, however, it is easy to see why Payette fell apart behind the Vipers locker-room that night. There he was – losing fights, his crown slipping while moments earlier he had been interviewed for the local paper and was trying to explain why he was “Still the best fighter in the league”.

It is entirely conceivable – given the pride Payette carries on his fight record that three defeats in a row and the rise of such men as Lewis and Cloutier to the top of the fighting table, that his mind snapped completely when he saw a post on one forum suggesting he was no longer one of the top 5 fighters in the league.

There was no doubt about it: The man from Cornwall, Ontario had turned to George Laraque as a last resort. I have yet to unearth were these training sessions are taking place. A local rink or a local boxing gym? Nobody could answer this one, and I was not able to press Payette himself for an answer, all e-mails were not returned. One bit of information I did find was that the costs were high and that Laraque had only given Payette discount rates because Andre’s cousin had played with Laraque in Junior hockey.

We can only speculate on all of this, because those in a position to know have flatly refused to comment on rumors concerning Payette’s training sessions with Laraque. I tried to contact Laraque and when I was just two hours outside of Manhattan last week, I heard from a source that he was in town, but by the time I arrived he was long gone according to anyone I spoke too. The pretty girl from Queens doing reception at the Hilton said a large black man with a strong complexion had been seen leaving by the side door with a smaller blonde haired man wearing a Vipers hat. She said they were off to catch a flight to Montreal, but we were never able to confirm this. . . .

Macho-Macho Maaaan!

Get your calendars ready, the fixture list for the forthcoming EIHL season is but days away. And if you have the cash to spend on the higher priced tickets, the higher priced beer, the lower standard game and the extortionately high price of fuel to travel, then you’ll be one of the few this season making the long trips to various rinks around the league.

Rumours abound that there is to be a reciprocal double header taking place between Newcastle and Belfast, with the Vipers fans certainly making their way to Belfast in January for back to back games, while the Belfast fans are, possibly, making the same type of trip to Tyneside, earlier in the season for a double header.

As we go to print, the ticket prices have gone up in Newcastle, Manchester and Edinburgh. But one thing all three have in common is the “Walk up” price. The fact that you will pay that little bit extra by buying your ticket at the box office on the day of the game. Edinburgh is the worst in TSP’s* opinion, £16.50 to sit in a broken wooden seat in a freezing cold rink, where they don’t allow you to bring beer into the arena on penalty of Bagpipes!

While in Manchester they are pushing the £17 mark, probably in order to pay for the plasma screens. Would you pay £17 a game to watch Hockey on TV?

And in Gerordieland, the “Mincoff” (I’m leaving that one, it speaks for itself, I mean look at the shirt!) Vipers have upped their door price too. Goodness knows why, if they want to save money that old electric heater used to heat the players bench can now be replaced by Andre Payette. The arrival of “Big Mac” has certainly made him surplus to requirements. But I guess Rob Wilson can’t let his old mate go eh?

Funniest news of the last week or so, however, is that the Nottingham Panthers are off to train with the Army to up their fitness.

“Who Do You Think you Are Kidding Gary Moran!
When You’re in Hull Watching Your Son,
The Panthers are off training with the Army Corps,
But we all know what part of their bodies will be sore,
So Who Do You Think You Are Kidding Gary Moran!
Your league chances are already done!”



*Well we at The Plough have decided to mock.. I mean.. jump aboard the “initial” bandwagon of “TCW”.. What “TCW” can actually stand for in real life, we’ll let you decide, comments please.