From Abu Dhabi to Edinburgh

Dougie signals a 'T' meaning ten goals please

After almost two years away covering the Abu Dhabi hockey league I have returned to the UK for a flying visit before trekking on to the United States to work on an expose on the dangers of hitting to the head in the National Hockey League but why, we, as a blood thirsty society, love to see someone 'get their bell rung' anyway.

Abu Dhabi was a hell of an experience for those 600+ days I spent with my toes in the sand. The hockey out there is a different breed altogether. In fact, I'd go as far as to say it is indeed the toughest hockey league in the entire sport - you wouldn't believe how hard it is to skate in sand ... actually, maybe you would.

Anyway, on my flying visit to the UK I'll be in Scotland to watch the Belfast Giants take on the might of the Edinburgh Capitals. The last time I took in a British Elite League game involving the Edinburgh Capitals, it was against Nottingham, and they were shit then too, though they still beat Nottingham. So it comes as no great shock for me to see them rooted to the bottom of the EIHL table with a record so bad they make Justin Bieber's latest record look good.

15 points in 45 games with the kind of scoring record that not even a Jewish prostitute in my beloved Abu Dhabi would be proud of ... and I would know. They are conceding an average of 7.13 goals per game which should make them about as serious of a threat to the Belfast Giants this weekend as Brad Voth is to the fair play award. Their 580 penalty minutes as a team combined are the kind of numbers Paxton Schulte would put up in a passive season by himself.

Anyway, Giants head honcho Doug Christiansen is taking them serious with the knowledge that the Giants fans will be calling for his head if his team fails to notch up double figures in scoring.

"We won’t be taking them lightly, despite their short bench right now. We want to get in there and go to work, just like we would any other night," he claimed to a pack of respected, top quality journalists and myself, while eyeing each of us to see if we were actually buying what he was trying to sell.

In all the Giants will face the Capitals and Stingrays on the road this weekend were anything but four points, twenty goals and two cases of Tennents will do.

***

The British Elite Division?

For the production of this blog entry I had to study the league table on the Elite League website. While on there I noticed a few strange notes that have me wondering if their is a new side to the Elite League that has sprung up since I left for the Middle East? According to their website a team with an 'X' beside their name have clinched a playoff position, while a team with a 'Y' next to their name have clinched first-place in the division.

The division?

Hold up! While Sheffield, Belfast and Cardiff are battling it out for the league title I wasn't aware that in winning it they were simply taking the divisional honours. Would I be wrong in assuming that there is therefore another table full of teams making up some parallel division? In winning this division is there promotion to some higher division? Or maybe there is some parallel universal division? I don't know but the implications are mind-blowing for one who until moments ago thought that those in the table on the Elite League website were the only teams in the Elite League at all. That the EIHL website doesn't mention the other division is odd, and something I may have to return from the United States in a week or so's time to investigate.

A Message To You Blackie

It takes a lot to wake the Snow Plough from hibernation. I mean even the hilarity of Andre Payette being made a coach in Sheffield wasn't enough to bring us out of our nice warm bed.

But then something was brought to my attention, A hilarious letter to Neil Black dictating how the Panthers fans are unhappy to still be in the top half, nay, top four of the league table, in the Challenge Cup final and more financially sound than the countries own economy.

So in the spirit of letter writing;

Dear Mr Black,

It is with regret that I feel it necessary to contact you directly to outline my outright adulation at the situation at Nottingham Panthers Ice Hockey Club. If you wish to discuss any aspect of this letter with me personally you may not do so as I feel this to be only a sporting opinion held by myself, I have no means to claim it to be the opinion of any other fan across the wider UK hockey world and by no means consider myself to be any sort of a spokesman.

Whilst I have written this letter personally I have also asked if any other fans agree with the points I have made to indicate that agreement via the petitionsonline.co.uk website. This bares no onus on the content of the letter, nor provide any weight to the theories placed in the letter, however, for your own amusement you can see the results via the following link: http://tinyurl.com/sexyneilson

I am unsure you are aware of the current strength of feeling of a large majority of the fans across UK Hockey, I certainly don’t, as I have said already I do not consider myself any form of a self appointed spokesman. I do personally feel, however, that the club cannot move forward unless both Corey Neilson and Gary Moran are relieved of their duties at the club.

For this reason I implore you to retain their services indefinitely.

With reference to Corey’s position I do not think it can be denied that he is a dedicated man who has given the Panthers many years of loyal service, my thoughts, though long established, do not tarnish my belief that Corey has tried his best at every juncture both as a player and as a coach. That said it is clear something, as we stand now, is very wrong. The results, and moreover the performances on the ice show that to be the case.

However as fans of sporting clubs you are expected to ‘take the rough with the smooth’, a theory lost on many who seemingly believe in a divine right to glory. The purchase of a game ticket provides you entry to a period of sporting entertainment. I am not so naïve as to deny there to be an element of emotional attachment; however in the last few weeks you will have encountered many fans who have mistaken this attachment for a means of over-inflated involvement, expectation and outright demand for improvement at not only an on-ice personnel level, but more outrageously a business level also.

I was present in Belfast when Nottingham players, broke the curfew set for the entire roster. I believe this showed a complete lack of respect for us the fans, their teammates but also, more worryingly, a similar lack of respect for Corey. This took place in a public bar among a large selection of Panthers fans, who I myself witnessed purchase drinks for the players and encourage them to continue their fraternisation beyond said curfew time. Other fans present, who subsequently complained about the situation at hand, made no attempt to question the players judgement, or challenge them on their activities prior to a big game.

While I will not attempt to patronise you on the internal discipline methods of the Nottingham Panthers, and not expect, as some have, a public flogging that would satisfy a small selection of the teams own fans, while highly entertain myself and possibly the wider community, I would ask that you continue to run the club in the manner you see fit.

It is clear there have been requests from within your own fan-base to relieve Mr Neilson from his position forthwith, subsequently “sending a message” of a changed culture. I would, again, implore you to allow these pleas to fall on deaf ears. You are an experienced business man and one who is aware that rule by committee, especially in this case, can be disastrous. You need only look toward St James Park, and the initial changes made at the behest of the fanbase that were a contributing factor to the demise of a once great football club.

As much as a similar demise would entertain, the joy provided by, what has been seemingly dubbed, in social network circles, as #SexyNeilsonHockey is one I believe, would provide a greater good to all.

A more controversial belief but one some genuinely hold is that Gary Moran is a huge part of the reason the club is not achieving the success its resources should elicit. I personally find this quite a poor attempt to undermine not only the current internal business model of the Nottingham Panthers, one that has reportedly seen your team become one of the more ‘profitable’ teams in the country, but also a direct slight on your own recruitment machinations. They seem to feel your own business approach to recruitment unfit for their needs. What right they have to hold this I am wholly unsure, but to pay any attention to the overly emotional ramblings would be an utter mistake.

The media output from the club is, in my opinion, awful for a club with the self-moniker as ‘the biggest in the league’. This is not surprising however to continue in this vain and retain the high attendance numbers the NIC regularly sees shows that something is going very right in the organisation. Either that, or there are a lot of very gullible people in Nottingham, prime for the milking.

There is also a huge level of annoyance amongst the fans at the perceived ‘spin’ that is applied to anything which comes out from the club. Wholly understandable given recent events and results. To purvey a negative club status would be ridiculous if the aim is to bring in new fans and new revenue streams. Another fact missed by the spokesmen who believe themselves to be acting on behalf of the entire NIC faithful. Which of course they do not.

Ultimately the success of the Nottingham Panthers off ice, and the relative success on the ice, with the recent demolition of the Newcastle Vipers, a means to waltzing into the Challenge Cup Final, has not seemed to be enough to those "loyal fans" who believe they are entitled to more of a say in the running of a club they merely pay a ticket to watch.

Though the ultimate prize of a league championship evades the Panthers organisation, the hard work done to keep it as one of the countries few ice hockey franchises in the black (if you pardon the pun), in a sport that loses teams to financial obscurity on a regular basis displays utter pomposity, a delusion of grandeur and most of all a misunderstanding of what sport is.

Were I in your shoes Mr Black, should a campaign be successful in retrieving high numbers of Panthers fans looking for a change at board level in order to gain what they believe to be success, I would leave them to it and focus my finances above the border, in a team who are already grateful to exist, a fan base who understand what sport is and how lucky they are to have the opportunity to watch it, and most of all, will not turn on the organisation, its board and its coach even when the team is enjoying success that other franchises can currently only dream of.

Please do not contact me if you wish to discuss anything, whether contained in this letter or not, in more detail.

I wish you luck.

Yours Faithfully,


Derek White

Giants win the Challenge Cup

Holy good shit, were have we been? Did I fall into some time warp that just shit me out in March 2009? The last time I wrote on here was sometime in September 2008. I had to check on that to be sure, and check again. I cannot believe how fast time has went this season and how much hockey has been played. I think the reason is that I have been so stunned over the last three to four months at the severe lack of controversy across the league that my hands couldn't function long enough to string two words together.

Until today of course.

Controversy is all around the fans of the Belfast Giants. The fucking hypocrites. For years now they have treated the Challenge Cup as Manchester United treat the League Cup -- as a waste of time, man hours, money, with too much risk of injury to their hero's . . . Until they win the dam thing.

Ah, on St. Patrick's day of all days as well. The Giants fans took to winning a trophy they cared not if their team entered a year or two ago with such passion that the crowds spilled over onto the streets and St. Patrick's day became a bi-product of what was really being celebrated on 17 March.

I was on the streets in Belfast yesterday, I was in Dundonald last night. I was wearing a Green leprechaun hat and proceeded to get chased by raving lunatics as I made my way out of Dundonald, through East Belfast and into the city. What was that all about?

Something to do with dressing like a leprechaun in a loyalist part of town you might say?

Absolutely not. Not in this day and age. No those chasing me were wearing teal and white jerseys with Finn McCool on the badge. These were Giants fans reacting to a question I put to them on my way out of the game...

"Why are you celebrating winning this cup you called pointless just a few years ago?"

I got away from them however and took shelter in the more passive and more orderly, but still not orderly streets of the Holy Land area of the city.

C&C Question Factoy

Questions Questions Questions.

Like "Who Are You?"

"What Is Life?"

and

"Did Anyone Actually Care About The Panthers Game Against Geneva? Did It Actually Happen?"

This and much much more will not be answered in this short blog of the week. However two questions will raise their heads.

1. How can Brad Cruickshank getaway with crosschecking an official?

Yes he was 3rd man into the the altrication between Clouthier and Sharp. Thats the first penalty.

He also crosschecked a player who was on the ice (the league deem this to not be as bad as punching someone who's on the ice?), Next penalty.

This action incites another fight between him and Burnett. surely a game penalty.. AND a 1 match ban under the new "inciting a fight in the last few minutes of a game"?

Yet no... Cruickshank gets no such ban. He hurts Staniforth, incites a fight (theres a difference between Clouthier and Sharp agreeing to fight and C'Shank inciting one by attacking Clouthier on the ice), and gets off scot free?

Anyone would think Mike O'Connor went into the Refs room after the game and threatened not to let the Steelers go to Manchester if any of his players were banned.

But no. That doesn't happen? does it?

2. Where's Nigel Boniface?

Anyone would think he's on a months suspension. What would drive them to that?
And of course if such a thing were true, the league would have told us? Wouldn't they have?

It's been quite an interesting weekend in the EIHL.

Coup and the Gang!

How many times, on how many different forums, have we heard time and time again about how fan harken for the days of the ISL, the days of all import leagues. Where the brits are disregarded and we have the "good ol days".

Well I hope you're happy! I hope you all have a smile on your face. Because this is the weekend you've been waiting for isn't it. The GB team have marched on Poland (insert joke here).. leaving the lunatics to take over the asylum!

Teams have been left stripped bare, no Tony Hand, no Jonno Phillips, No Dave Longstaff, No Greg Chambers (can the Bison actually deal with that?), no Robert Dowd! ROBERT DOWD! "The Saviour of Sheffield"!

No, now all teams are left to face EIHL competition (well I say all, not the Panthers, nor the Giants who are either not playing or facing pointless European opposition), with stripped down teams.

Its a weekend of two line, substandard import hockey!

Man, don't you love the EIHL!

Missing Video's and Missing Thornton as Payette waits outcome on the assassination attempt

You've all seen it by now I am sure. Steve Thornton descending to the level of dumb caveman and clubbing the leagues most popular player over the head. Unfortunately to date we only have the one camera angle to go on filmed by a private citizen named Abraham Zapruder.

The Zapruder film is a silent 8 mm color home movie of the clubbing of Andre Payette through centre ice in Newcastle, England, on September 21, 2008. The film is the most complete visual recording of the assassination attempt on Enforcer Andre Payette.

Word has it the Giants had men in black coats remove all other video footage, but accidently looked over this one angle which has now leaked out.

Steve Thornton has not been seen since and the Elite League disciplinary wing are appealing to anyone who knows of his where abouts.

A mole deep within the web of the Elite League hierarchy, at a location he would only describe as a 'large underground network of offices' had this to say,
"The bosses are not happy and are demanding the return of all other video angles so that proper analysis of the incident can be made. Mr. Thornton can run but he cannot hide forever".

Giants GM Todd Kelman would not return calls but was seen dropping a brown envelope into a bag carried by referee Mike Hicks as he passed by him in a Newcastle street the following morning. Hicks assessed Thornton 2+2 for accidental high sticks and has not included the incident in his match report to the league.

What Have We Learned?

Well kids, the first weekend of fixtures has been and gone, and not without incident.

The Forums are ablaze with wailing and knashing of teeth. Mainly the Cage Forum who are up in arms about Hull one idiot even shouting for the franchise to be shut down, the ironic hypocrisy is not lost on other forums thankfully.

The Snow Plough does not give opinions on mattes such as that which took place at the Novice Ice Centre last Sunday, and there is no indication of schadenfreude here for the actions were reprehensible. Yet a touch of self-relaisation may be needed for the Panthers fans who in the past shrugged their shoulders and celebrated similar actions of those in black and canary yellow…. Ho-hum.

Meanwhile, the other half of the failing marriage, Sheffield, have been once again bawling their eyes out about Brad Voth. I mean seriously. It’s even immerged that Matsos tried to take Voth to Sheffield over the summer. So it all stinks of sour grapes, the Sheffield PR machine watching Voth’s every move in order to continue their on going poor attempt at a smear campaign.

Voth is one of the great players of the Elite League, and whining like this, and constant childish vendettas serve no purpose other than to drive a streak between the league and players of Voths standard. We already have few of these as there is, yet Sheffield feel adamant in their moaning that Voth should be “banned”. Probably for the simple reason that not one man in the Sheffield side is fit to lace the boots of Brad Voth. Poor show by all involved in Sheffield.

But hey, what have we learned.

Well I wouldn’t really call it learning, but once again the EIHL showed their inept capability to organise a pish up in a brewery, on two fronts.

1. Showing all the wit of a drunk playing pool. The EIHL referees weren’t sure whether they were to wear stripes or solids! In Sheffield and Newcastle you had the good old “Stripies” back, while in Belfast and Basingstoke, the new pointless solid shirts.

The cynic in me would say, well why would Mike Hicks not wear the stripe shirt, but favour the CH Sports made new shirt?

But apparently, in a sign of great forethought, the decision to scrap both the shirts (which The Plough highlighted as pointless only 4 short weeks ago) and the 4 man system was communicated to the referees, by e-mail, at about 4pm on Saturday. So of course those who had to travel didn’t see it.

2. In Manchester on Sunday night the game was abandoned after 2 periods due to the ice in one half of the rink being thin, and sand coming through making playing conditions dangerous.

Of course as this has happened before the precendent has been laid down by the EIHL, Basingstoke and Sheffield ended after 2 periods in a draw. However they decided the fixture at the next meeting of the pari, with a 5 minute OT period of play before the game.

So this should be what took place here isn’t it?

Of course not. They had a penalty shootout on the “good ice”.

If you pick up a dictionary in EIHL HQ you’ll find a missing page, this page contained the word consistency, so it’s no wonder they’ve got confused.

The EIHL, what can I say.

Four Refs Good, Two Skates Bad!

Well, who would have thought it. The Tessier Saga has its latest chapter opened for us all to see.

Tessier (he of terrible website fame) has today returned for a second stint with the Nothingham Panthers. A team he, of course, vowed never to return to because he “hated the city”. Now if you think for one second that was mere Steelers PR, well I don’t know where you get your crazy ideas.

Tessier seems to have taken on the role of Snowball from Orwell’s Animal Farm. Having arrived in Sheffield mid-season last year following the departure of Jeremy Cornish, Tessier proceeded to revive a Steelers team, though still in the hunt, from what was a down turn and centre them to the Playoff title, culminating in the Steelers fans screaming in almighty joy as Tessier taunted the Panthers fans in, what of course wasn’t a PR stunt!, lifting a set of Golf Clubs over his head on the ice of the NIC.

But all of a sudden “the truth” emerged!

Tessier was cast asunder! He wasn’t the player they had seen on the ice who scored umpteen points, won 90% of his face offs and basically ran the show!

No!

He was the problem!

He had to go!

Booo Dan Tessier! Boo and Hiss!

Dave “Napoleon” Simms played it coy!

Bob “Squealer” Westerdale told us the “truth”!

And the poor animals of Sheffield and SteelTalk, lapped it all up.

It wasn’t Snowball! It was “Steeeeeeeeve”!

So what now?

Dan’s crossed back over the fence to Foxwood Farm and the “Biggest Rivalry since God v Devil” continues with a bit of spice.

Here at The Plough we’ll be entrigued to see how Simms and Moran spin the various issues.

We await Tessier’s claims that “The reason I didn’t return previously was that I didn’t see eye to eye with Mike Ellis, but that’s all good now he’s gone”.

We await the fickle fans in Nothingham hailing their saviours return “We never really hated you.. we were only kidding, you’re great!”

And we await the Steelers fans continuing to fall for the Simms-Star PR machine telling them what they should think of it all!. BOOO Dan Tessier! Hisssssss!

It’s all rather exciting really, isn’t it?

Just to add . . .

On the crazy news broke to the world by Mr. White today of referee's wearing black uniforms there is one positive I would just like to mention.

That infamous chant lost at football grounds a decade ago will be revived at hockey rinks across the U.K.:

"Who's the bastard in the Black? . . . Who's the bastard in the Black?"

4 is the Magic Number

Months and Months and Months and Months ago The Plough brought you the news that the EIHL were deciding upon at 4 man refereeing system. Well it seems they finally came to that decision with today's announcement of the new 2 referee system for all competitions.

Now the cynical ones among you will claim that now there are two bumbling fools ready to make twice the amount of errors. And of course, you'll be right. However The Plough would like to bring up another stumbling block in this great plan from EIHL towers.

Shirts.

The new god-awful referee and linesmen shirts no longer bare the traditional black and white stripes but will be predominantly black with a silly looking coloured band denoting their on-ice role.

Now apart from looking like some 1970's sports shop reject, these shirts will bode very well with the large collection of mainly black away shirts to be worn by Nottingham, Manchester, Newcastle and a black third shirt brought out by Belfast.

Whomever at EIHL Towers thought up this bright idea clearly did not think it through. I hope that the new outfits will come especially padded for those high passes. And no doubt they will give Sheffield fans the opportunity to cry about the "Extra 4 men in Black" when the Panthers beat them at the Sheffield Arena.

So, apart from the fact that you are bound to get an inexperienced ref, alongside an experienced one and hence some strange and inconsistent calls in the game. You may also be spending your time confusing the ref for a forward on an odd man rush.

I think this can be described as, Classic Elite League!

Andre Payette and the George Laraque factor

It is funny what a deluge of rain across Britain will do to a man. I have just spent the last six weeks away from home only to return to this cloud covered land and already I have hit the bottle. I spent the day rummaging through the various websites and message boards that make up the rumor hub of the Elite League to see where exactly we all stood just a month and a week shy of the opening games of yet another hockey season.

Not much, as I have found out, has been written over the summer months about the Laraque/Payette tandem, but those who write about our sport and those who play in it have been talking about it in hushed tones and now word has finally leaked out that Andre Payette and his fitness coach back in Canada have called in the toughest man in hockey, George Laraque to train the Vipers enforcer in the finer arts of fist fighting ahead of the new season.

It all made sense and I recognised what he was up to immediately. From his tearful breakdown behind the Vipers locker-room after losing his third straight fight last season, to the delusional thinking that he was still heavy weight champion of the EIHL. Rumor had it that upon learning of other enforcer’s off-season training regimes, Payette went into a fit of rage and his trainer realised something had to be done to bring his man up to standard for when the gloves were dropped.

Looking back now, however, it is easy to see why Payette fell apart behind the Vipers locker-room that night. There he was – losing fights, his crown slipping while moments earlier he had been interviewed for the local paper and was trying to explain why he was “Still the best fighter in the league”.

It is entirely conceivable – given the pride Payette carries on his fight record that three defeats in a row and the rise of such men as Lewis and Cloutier to the top of the fighting table, that his mind snapped completely when he saw a post on one forum suggesting he was no longer one of the top 5 fighters in the league.

There was no doubt about it: The man from Cornwall, Ontario had turned to George Laraque as a last resort. I have yet to unearth were these training sessions are taking place. A local rink or a local boxing gym? Nobody could answer this one, and I was not able to press Payette himself for an answer, all e-mails were not returned. One bit of information I did find was that the costs were high and that Laraque had only given Payette discount rates because Andre’s cousin had played with Laraque in Junior hockey.

We can only speculate on all of this, because those in a position to know have flatly refused to comment on rumors concerning Payette’s training sessions with Laraque. I tried to contact Laraque and when I was just two hours outside of Manhattan last week, I heard from a source that he was in town, but by the time I arrived he was long gone according to anyone I spoke too. The pretty girl from Queens doing reception at the Hilton said a large black man with a strong complexion had been seen leaving by the side door with a smaller blonde haired man wearing a Vipers hat. She said they were off to catch a flight to Montreal, but we were never able to confirm this. . . .

Macho-Macho Maaaan!

Get your calendars ready, the fixture list for the forthcoming EIHL season is but days away. And if you have the cash to spend on the higher priced tickets, the higher priced beer, the lower standard game and the extortionately high price of fuel to travel, then you’ll be one of the few this season making the long trips to various rinks around the league.

Rumours abound that there is to be a reciprocal double header taking place between Newcastle and Belfast, with the Vipers fans certainly making their way to Belfast in January for back to back games, while the Belfast fans are, possibly, making the same type of trip to Tyneside, earlier in the season for a double header.

As we go to print, the ticket prices have gone up in Newcastle, Manchester and Edinburgh. But one thing all three have in common is the “Walk up” price. The fact that you will pay that little bit extra by buying your ticket at the box office on the day of the game. Edinburgh is the worst in TSP’s* opinion, £16.50 to sit in a broken wooden seat in a freezing cold rink, where they don’t allow you to bring beer into the arena on penalty of Bagpipes!

While in Manchester they are pushing the £17 mark, probably in order to pay for the plasma screens. Would you pay £17 a game to watch Hockey on TV?

And in Gerordieland, the “Mincoff” (I’m leaving that one, it speaks for itself, I mean look at the shirt!) Vipers have upped their door price too. Goodness knows why, if they want to save money that old electric heater used to heat the players bench can now be replaced by Andre Payette. The arrival of “Big Mac” has certainly made him surplus to requirements. But I guess Rob Wilson can’t let his old mate go eh?

Funniest news of the last week or so, however, is that the Nottingham Panthers are off to train with the Army to up their fitness.

“Who Do You Think you Are Kidding Gary Moran!
When You’re in Hull Watching Your Son,
The Panthers are off training with the Army Corps,
But we all know what part of their bodies will be sore,
So Who Do You Think You Are Kidding Gary Moran!
Your league chances are already done!”



*Well we at The Plough have decided to mock.. I mean.. jump aboard the “initial” bandwagon of “TCW”.. What “TCW” can actually stand for in real life, we’ll let you decide, comments please.

Return of the Mac! (It Is)

Well Well Well, Who would have thought. It seems that despite rumors to the contrary, the Vipers have secured the services of a player who captured their hearts only a few years ago. A big big gent by the name of Chris McAllister.

If you don't know or haven't seen Chris McAllister, then you're in for a treat. A player who dominated the BNL during his stint with Findus Cup winning Vipers, he may give the Vipers that physical edge. Goodness knows Payette won't. The 6 foot 7 inch NHL Vet is bound to be a favorite once again "on the toon".

Raul commented that he's looking forward to McAllister giving Ndur a good hiding, but hey, aren't we all.

BOW BEFORE MCALLISTER!

The Biggest Blog in Sports History Ever! EVER!!!!

Yeah, we're still here, keeping our ear, and our head and, a lot of other more erotic pieces of the anatomy stuck firmly to the teet of UK Ice Hockey News.

Unfortunately that teet has become dry in the last couple of weeks and a few hairs have got stuck in our teeth, but thats a different matter.

One thing we have noticed is that the "Biggest Joke, err, Rivalry in Sports History"; The Steelers and the Panthers, have become the first two teams to fill their rosters in preparation for the new season.

Myself and Raul were chucking at this only days ago (I say chucking, I was laughing, and I instructed "Big John" to ensure Raul was chuckling also!). Fact is, where is the fun in that? All signed up? What do the fans have to talk about now?

In our humble opinion the Panthers team looks like it isn't going to have the firepower it requires, yet will no doubt bore the lamps of the NIC crowd with an uber-defensive game.

Meanwhile, "ikle Sheffield" will find themselves being thumped about due to distinct lack of bulk. No doubt tears will be shed, spin will be fired by Mr Simms, and 2 of the new guys will be gone by December as they try to recoup their losses and sign someone who wont stay down when Hull come and hammer their forwards through the plexi!

Hull, as I've mentioned, are currently shopping at CostCo for their players, low in price, big in volume. Buy Bulk and the people will come. Fair assumption, worked for Paul Newman. (His Salad Dressing is superb!)

In Manchester, They've signed Nick Fury, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D, as their latest big name. It is admirable that the guy has the determination to play on despite his affliction. But does that make him exempt from “banter”? Here on the Snow Plough we say no, and we’ll be keeping a good eye on Polyphemus’* progress.

Steve Thornton has continued his signings in Belfast by picking up Dobby Bobbins or Robby Poppins or something like that. While new forward Andrew Martin has big skates to fill to surpass his namesake, former Giants forward Gareth Martin.

As we on the Snow Plough told you aaaaagggeeees ago. Carlyle Lewis will be displaying his mediocre hockey in Coventry this season. A rebuilding year for Thommo having lost some big names, so I hope for his sake Lewis will be doing some brick laying or plastering, because I think the Coventry fans will be expecting a lot more than they are going to get.

As for Cardiff, Edinburgh and Basingstoke…..

Well

Umm

They’re still about.

I think.

I really hope something happens soon in UK Hockey. It’s really boring at the minute. Have you seen NEIH? They are arguing over “ticket allocation”. While SteelTalk are “cockerhoop” over receiving receipts for their season tickets. The Panthers Cage (and the cats nipple hair) is, as usual, preoccupied by their obsession with the Steelers, while KotG talk about their favourite meal.

Christ.

Someone wake us up when something interesting happens.

*I'm not linking that reference. If you don't know it, look it up and educate yourself!

The Snow Plough: Inspiring Many

I think it was Charles Caleb Colton who once said, "Imitation is the sincerest of flattery," and over on some site called the Cats Pajamas or whiskers or something like that, we're seeing it first hand. Granted that site was around in the early days of this decade (and I must admit bringing some interesting articles and interviews) but our jump to the fore of rumors, rants and stories this summer has brought them back to life. Whoever is running it over there; we’re glad to have been such an inspiration, we accept your thanks.

Seriously though, I don’t think we have too much to worry about, we don’t moderate our comments. Your view is clutch.

~Raoul Duke
Raoulduke111 AT yahoo.ca

So you want a signed puck?

The easiest solution yet has been found by a baseball fan in Boston known as the "Hammer" who managed to get himself a ball signed by the entire bullpen by offering up nude pictures of his ex-wife. You may be asking what this has to do with hockey but bare with me.

I came across the story this morning on Deadspin via Roto-World:

One of them gets the idea that the "moneyshot" picture should be shown to the players in the Red Sox bullpen. So he folds the picture and flicks it over the railing so that it lands in the steps of the bullpen. And that is when the party really started. Papelbon comes out of the dugout during the game holding the picture in his hand with a bemused face looking for the guy who threw the picture. The whole section starts buzzing with excitement and Papelbon and the "Hammer's" friend who threw the picture start talking to each other. I cannot hear what was said, but during the next half-inning break, Papelbon emerges. The section goes nuts again and this time Papelbon signals to the "Hammer" to get ready to catch a pitch, and he throws a baseball to the "Hammer". It was signed by the entire Red Sox bullpen, and they wrote "Thanks for the bullpen pics"

Upon reading that I instantly seen how this could work in the Elite League: Simply get your seat behind the players bench of your choice, bring along some nude pictures of your WAG and start tossing them into the players bench in return for a signed puck from your favourite player. It's fail safe.

Warning: Don't waste your time trying this if you are in a relationship with a 'woman' from Coventry.

We're open to your views too. Seriously!

Believe it or not the title is the truth -- we do care -- honestly! And to prove it we have decided to go ahead and open the blog up to comments like a real blog. After all without you people we wouldn't exist (ok, so we would still exist, we would just direct ourselves towards a different sport, but we love our British hockey and we love you all too).

It gets boring blogging on a one way street but we know you're out there, we read the forums and so we've decided to make your voice heard. You know we like the feedback, for good or ill and we want you all to engage in a bit of light hearted discussion on whatever we happen to blog about. Rip us, rip each other, rip the article, rip the subject of the article. Or if you really want, praise us -- we promise we don’t get bored of that, nor do we delete it.

So come on, click below . . . Buy the ticket, take the ride.

~Raoul Duke

P.S. Any anonymous tips, photos, suggestions, questions or queries you can direct to me at raoulduke111 AT yahoo.ca

Tessier / Steelers scandal reminds us hockey hasn't gone away, you know!

All has been very quiet here lately. We have been outside in the summer sun trying to remember what ice hockey looked like. Still, we were brought back to reality when a call from a friend informed us of a newspaper article that Sheffield Steelers hot-shot Dan Tessier had been sacked and then stabbed in the back for good measure.

This got me jumping . . . I like nothing more than a bit of good scandal. Of course, moments after clearing the dust from my keyboard and logging onto the interweb, I realised that slick Dan Tessier hadn't actually been knifed in the back, but still there was a web of finger pointing, deceit and 'he said, she said' about it all. This was my ballpark.

There is no point me going over the entire story again. If you care you probably know by now and if you don’t know by now you probably don’t care and if somehow you do then check the above link to the story.

Like the professional I am I got on the ball and called some contacts who could not locate Dan. When I talked to the Steelers they denied they had ever heard of anyone called Dan Tessier but I finally got a number from an ex-pro I often drink with and when I called the number I was greeted by a man claiming to be Dan Tessier's agent. He informed me that Dan wouldn't be talking to rogue journalists but did confirm to me Dan's disgust and hurt at the entire situation.

"Dan is a winner and he is terribly upset at how bitter the playoff victory back in April now tastes in his mouth. He was sure the team loved him when they handed him a set of Golf clubs during the post-playoff-final-game celebrations," (to show off to them hated Panthers, an ex-team of Dan's that could in a dramatic twist become his new team again). The agent went on to say, "Dan now feels ashamed and embarrassed to find out them clubs were not meant to be used as a departing shot at the Panthers fans left in the crowd but more as a departing gift from the Steelers organisation as he was getting his contract ripped up. He should have seen it as the first sign that they would rather see him on a Golf course than the Sheffield ice next year".

When I pressed the fellow further on Dan's response to this gesture all he would say is that Dan no longer has the golf clubs but he will be getting a gun, whether that be as a successful applicant to the Canadian Provincial Police or for his own safety when he returns to Nottingham is yet to be known.

The best bit about it all is that it is set to run and run. Happy June folks.

~Raoul Duke

Endorsing Sassy Cassie

With the American Presidential election primaries in full swing and endorsements being all the rage the Plough would like to make an endorsement of its own:

Cassie Campbell as coach of the Belfast Giants.

For those not quite aware, Miss or is it Mrs. Campbell is a beautiful beautiful woman currently working as an analyst for Hockey Night in Canada on CBC. We here feel her talents are wasted there and should be much better dipping her fine big toe on the end of her fine long legs into the water of coaching starting with the Giants. Sassy Cassie we believe would lead the Giants to levels unattainable by any male coach and Steve Thornton in realising this would gladly step aside for a year as a player assistant coach.

Cassie Campbell is the only person, male of female to win Olympic Gold twice for Canada and is regarded by many as one of the great Canadian woman hockey players.

In asking Giants fans for an opinion before writing this revelation, I was met with a unanimous answer. "It is about time the male fans of this hockey club had someone to drool over and stalk since the woman fans of this club have been enjoying that pleasure for eight years now".

Cassie would join her 'brother' Pete Campbell at the Giants should he choose to re-sign. Rumour had Pete Campbell going to Nottingham but with his 'sister' in toe, he refused to have such a good-looking girl live amongst the Nottingham woman.

P.S. Talking about Nottingham/Belfast player interaction. Ryan Shmyr.

I'm in a bit of a Russ... I mean Rush

I never doubted my good friend Raul to come up trumps with his blog. A good friend he is and his claims of "Heavies" were just good friends of mine calling round for a chat. They may like to lift weights, but its not fair to call them heavy!

Anyway, seems a bit of a fuss has been caused over this top end Brit rumored to be heading Belfast way. It may not be the former Blaze player some think. With Jamieson heading one way, maybe to be joined by Lewis, it's alleged that Russ Cowley may be travelling the other way. Maybe (how many "maybe"'s in one blog? loads!) Thommo has more work to do in getting his team as strong as they've been in previous seasons?

In other news, The Panthers still cry too much.