Andre Payette and the George Laraque factor

It is funny what a deluge of rain across Britain will do to a man. I have just spent the last six weeks away from home only to return to this cloud covered land and already I have hit the bottle. I spent the day rummaging through the various websites and message boards that make up the rumor hub of the Elite League to see where exactly we all stood just a month and a week shy of the opening games of yet another hockey season.

Not much, as I have found out, has been written over the summer months about the Laraque/Payette tandem, but those who write about our sport and those who play in it have been talking about it in hushed tones and now word has finally leaked out that Andre Payette and his fitness coach back in Canada have called in the toughest man in hockey, George Laraque to train the Vipers enforcer in the finer arts of fist fighting ahead of the new season.

It all made sense and I recognised what he was up to immediately. From his tearful breakdown behind the Vipers locker-room after losing his third straight fight last season, to the delusional thinking that he was still heavy weight champion of the EIHL. Rumor had it that upon learning of other enforcer’s off-season training regimes, Payette went into a fit of rage and his trainer realised something had to be done to bring his man up to standard for when the gloves were dropped.

Looking back now, however, it is easy to see why Payette fell apart behind the Vipers locker-room that night. There he was – losing fights, his crown slipping while moments earlier he had been interviewed for the local paper and was trying to explain why he was “Still the best fighter in the league”.

It is entirely conceivable – given the pride Payette carries on his fight record that three defeats in a row and the rise of such men as Lewis and Cloutier to the top of the fighting table, that his mind snapped completely when he saw a post on one forum suggesting he was no longer one of the top 5 fighters in the league.

There was no doubt about it: The man from Cornwall, Ontario had turned to George Laraque as a last resort. I have yet to unearth were these training sessions are taking place. A local rink or a local boxing gym? Nobody could answer this one, and I was not able to press Payette himself for an answer, all e-mails were not returned. One bit of information I did find was that the costs were high and that Laraque had only given Payette discount rates because Andre’s cousin had played with Laraque in Junior hockey.

We can only speculate on all of this, because those in a position to know have flatly refused to comment on rumors concerning Payette’s training sessions with Laraque. I tried to contact Laraque and when I was just two hours outside of Manhattan last week, I heard from a source that he was in town, but by the time I arrived he was long gone according to anyone I spoke too. The pretty girl from Queens doing reception at the Hilton said a large black man with a strong complexion had been seen leaving by the side door with a smaller blonde haired man wearing a Vipers hat. She said they were off to catch a flight to Montreal, but we were never able to confirm this. . . .

Macho-Macho Maaaan!

Get your calendars ready, the fixture list for the forthcoming EIHL season is but days away. And if you have the cash to spend on the higher priced tickets, the higher priced beer, the lower standard game and the extortionately high price of fuel to travel, then you’ll be one of the few this season making the long trips to various rinks around the league.

Rumours abound that there is to be a reciprocal double header taking place between Newcastle and Belfast, with the Vipers fans certainly making their way to Belfast in January for back to back games, while the Belfast fans are, possibly, making the same type of trip to Tyneside, earlier in the season for a double header.

As we go to print, the ticket prices have gone up in Newcastle, Manchester and Edinburgh. But one thing all three have in common is the “Walk up” price. The fact that you will pay that little bit extra by buying your ticket at the box office on the day of the game. Edinburgh is the worst in TSP’s* opinion, £16.50 to sit in a broken wooden seat in a freezing cold rink, where they don’t allow you to bring beer into the arena on penalty of Bagpipes!

While in Manchester they are pushing the £17 mark, probably in order to pay for the plasma screens. Would you pay £17 a game to watch Hockey on TV?

And in Gerordieland, the “Mincoff” (I’m leaving that one, it speaks for itself, I mean look at the shirt!) Vipers have upped their door price too. Goodness knows why, if they want to save money that old electric heater used to heat the players bench can now be replaced by Andre Payette. The arrival of “Big Mac” has certainly made him surplus to requirements. But I guess Rob Wilson can’t let his old mate go eh?

Funniest news of the last week or so, however, is that the Nottingham Panthers are off to train with the Army to up their fitness.

“Who Do You Think you Are Kidding Gary Moran!
When You’re in Hull Watching Your Son,
The Panthers are off training with the Army Corps,
But we all know what part of their bodies will be sore,
So Who Do You Think You Are Kidding Gary Moran!
Your league chances are already done!”



*Well we at The Plough have decided to mock.. I mean.. jump aboard the “initial” bandwagon of “TCW”.. What “TCW” can actually stand for in real life, we’ll let you decide, comments please.

Return of the Mac! (It Is)

Well Well Well, Who would have thought. It seems that despite rumors to the contrary, the Vipers have secured the services of a player who captured their hearts only a few years ago. A big big gent by the name of Chris McAllister.

If you don't know or haven't seen Chris McAllister, then you're in for a treat. A player who dominated the BNL during his stint with Findus Cup winning Vipers, he may give the Vipers that physical edge. Goodness knows Payette won't. The 6 foot 7 inch NHL Vet is bound to be a favorite once again "on the toon".

Raul commented that he's looking forward to McAllister giving Ndur a good hiding, but hey, aren't we all.

BOW BEFORE MCALLISTER!

The Biggest Blog in Sports History Ever! EVER!!!!

Yeah, we're still here, keeping our ear, and our head and, a lot of other more erotic pieces of the anatomy stuck firmly to the teet of UK Ice Hockey News.

Unfortunately that teet has become dry in the last couple of weeks and a few hairs have got stuck in our teeth, but thats a different matter.

One thing we have noticed is that the "Biggest Joke, err, Rivalry in Sports History"; The Steelers and the Panthers, have become the first two teams to fill their rosters in preparation for the new season.

Myself and Raul were chucking at this only days ago (I say chucking, I was laughing, and I instructed "Big John" to ensure Raul was chuckling also!). Fact is, where is the fun in that? All signed up? What do the fans have to talk about now?

In our humble opinion the Panthers team looks like it isn't going to have the firepower it requires, yet will no doubt bore the lamps of the NIC crowd with an uber-defensive game.

Meanwhile, "ikle Sheffield" will find themselves being thumped about due to distinct lack of bulk. No doubt tears will be shed, spin will be fired by Mr Simms, and 2 of the new guys will be gone by December as they try to recoup their losses and sign someone who wont stay down when Hull come and hammer their forwards through the plexi!

Hull, as I've mentioned, are currently shopping at CostCo for their players, low in price, big in volume. Buy Bulk and the people will come. Fair assumption, worked for Paul Newman. (His Salad Dressing is superb!)

In Manchester, They've signed Nick Fury, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D, as their latest big name. It is admirable that the guy has the determination to play on despite his affliction. But does that make him exempt from “banter”? Here on the Snow Plough we say no, and we’ll be keeping a good eye on Polyphemus’* progress.

Steve Thornton has continued his signings in Belfast by picking up Dobby Bobbins or Robby Poppins or something like that. While new forward Andrew Martin has big skates to fill to surpass his namesake, former Giants forward Gareth Martin.

As we on the Snow Plough told you aaaaagggeeees ago. Carlyle Lewis will be displaying his mediocre hockey in Coventry this season. A rebuilding year for Thommo having lost some big names, so I hope for his sake Lewis will be doing some brick laying or plastering, because I think the Coventry fans will be expecting a lot more than they are going to get.

As for Cardiff, Edinburgh and Basingstoke…..

Well

Umm

They’re still about.

I think.

I really hope something happens soon in UK Hockey. It’s really boring at the minute. Have you seen NEIH? They are arguing over “ticket allocation”. While SteelTalk are “cockerhoop” over receiving receipts for their season tickets. The Panthers Cage (and the cats nipple hair) is, as usual, preoccupied by their obsession with the Steelers, while KotG talk about their favourite meal.

Christ.

Someone wake us up when something interesting happens.

*I'm not linking that reference. If you don't know it, look it up and educate yourself!