Friday, November 14, 2008

C&C Question Factoy

Questions Questions Questions.

Like "Who Are You?"

"What Is Life?"

and

"Did Anyone Actually Care About The Panthers Game Against Geneva? Did It Actually Happen?"

This and much much more will not be answered in this short blog of the week. However two questions will raise their heads.

1. How can Brad Cruickshank getaway with crosschecking an official?

Yes he was 3rd man into the the altrication between Clouthier and Sharp. Thats the first penalty.

He also crosschecked a player who was on the ice (the league deem this to not be as bad as punching someone who's on the ice?), Next penalty.

This action incites another fight between him and Burnett. surely a game penalty.. AND a 1 match ban under the new "inciting a fight in the last few minutes of a game"?

Yet no... Cruickshank gets no such ban. He hurts Staniforth, incites a fight (theres a difference between Clouthier and Sharp agreeing to fight and C'Shank inciting one by attacking Clouthier on the ice), and gets off scot free?

Anyone would think Mike O'Connor went into the Refs room after the game and threatened not to let the Steelers go to Manchester if any of his players were banned.

But no. That doesn't happen? does it?

2. Where's Nigel Boniface?

Anyone would think he's on a months suspension. What would drive them to that?
And of course if such a thing were true, the league would have told us? Wouldn't they have?

It's been quite an interesting weekend in the EIHL.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Coup and the Gang!

How many times, on how many different forums, have we heard time and time again about how fan harken for the days of the ISL, the days of all import leagues. Where the brits are disregarded and we have the "good ol days".

Well I hope you're happy! I hope you all have a smile on your face. Because this is the weekend you've been waiting for isn't it. The GB team have marched on Poland (insert joke here).. leaving the lunatics to take over the asylum!

Teams have been left stripped bare, no Tony Hand, no Jonno Phillips, No Dave Longstaff, No Greg Chambers (can the Bison actually deal with that?), no Robert Dowd! ROBERT DOWD! "The Saviour of Sheffield"!

No, now all teams are left to face EIHL competition (well I say all, not the Panthers, nor the Giants who are either not playing or facing pointless European opposition), with stripped down teams.

Its a weekend of two line, substandard import hockey!

Man, don't you love the EIHL!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Missing Video's and Missing Thornton as Payette waits outcome on the assassination attempt

You've all seen it by now I am sure. Steve Thornton descending to the level of dumb caveman and clubbing the leagues most popular player over the head. Unfortunately to date we only have the one camera angle to go on filmed by a private citizen named Abraham Zapruder.

The Zapruder film is a silent 8 mm color home movie of the clubbing of Andre Payette through centre ice in Newcastle, England, on September 21, 2008. The film is the most complete visual recording of the assassination attempt on Enforcer Andre Payette.

Word has it the Giants had men in black coats remove all other video footage, but accidently looked over this one angle which has now leaked out.

Steve Thornton has not been seen since and the Elite League disciplinary wing are appealing to anyone who knows of his where abouts.

A mole deep within the web of the Elite League hierarchy, at a location he would only describe as a 'large underground network of offices' had this to say,
"The bosses are not happy and are demanding the return of all other video angles so that proper analysis of the incident can be made. Mr. Thornton can run but he cannot hide forever".

Giants GM Todd Kelman would not return calls but was seen dropping a brown envelope into a bag carried by referee Mike Hicks as he passed by him in a Newcastle street the following morning. Hicks assessed Thornton 2+2 for accidental high sticks and has not included the incident in his match report to the league.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

What Have We Learned?

Well kids, the first weekend of fixtures has been and gone, and not without incident.

The Forums are ablaze with wailing and knashing of teeth. Mainly the Cage Forum who are up in arms about Hull one idiot even shouting for the franchise to be shut down, the ironic hypocrisy is not lost on other forums thankfully.

The Snow Plough does not give opinions on mattes such as that which took place at the Novice Ice Centre last Sunday, and there is no indication of schadenfreude here for the actions were reprehensible. Yet a touch of self-relaisation may be needed for the Panthers fans who in the past shrugged their shoulders and celebrated similar actions of those in black and canary yellow…. Ho-hum.

Meanwhile, the other half of the failing marriage, Sheffield, have been once again bawling their eyes out about Brad Voth. I mean seriously. It’s even immerged that Matsos tried to take Voth to Sheffield over the summer. So it all stinks of sour grapes, the Sheffield PR machine watching Voth’s every move in order to continue their on going poor attempt at a smear campaign.

Voth is one of the great players of the Elite League, and whining like this, and constant childish vendettas serve no purpose other than to drive a streak between the league and players of Voths standard. We already have few of these as there is, yet Sheffield feel adamant in their moaning that Voth should be “banned”. Probably for the simple reason that not one man in the Sheffield side is fit to lace the boots of Brad Voth. Poor show by all involved in Sheffield.

But hey, what have we learned.

Well I wouldn’t really call it learning, but once again the EIHL showed their inept capability to organise a pish up in a brewery, on two fronts.

1. Showing all the wit of a drunk playing pool. The EIHL referees weren’t sure whether they were to wear stripes or solids! In Sheffield and Newcastle you had the good old “Stripies” back, while in Belfast and Basingstoke, the new pointless solid shirts.

The cynic in me would say, well why would Mike Hicks not wear the stripe shirt, but favour the CH Sports made new shirt?

But apparently, in a sign of great forethought, the decision to scrap both the shirts (which The Plough highlighted as pointless only 4 short weeks ago) and the 4 man system was communicated to the referees, by e-mail, at about 4pm on Saturday. So of course those who had to travel didn’t see it.

2. In Manchester on Sunday night the game was abandoned after 2 periods due to the ice in one half of the rink being thin, and sand coming through making playing conditions dangerous.

Of course as this has happened before the precendent has been laid down by the EIHL, Basingstoke and Sheffield ended after 2 periods in a draw. However they decided the fixture at the next meeting of the pari, with a 5 minute OT period of play before the game.

So this should be what took place here isn’t it?

Of course not. They had a penalty shootout on the “good ice”.

If you pick up a dictionary in EIHL HQ you’ll find a missing page, this page contained the word consistency, so it’s no wonder they’ve got confused.

The EIHL, what can I say.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Four Refs Good, Two Skates Bad!

Well, who would have thought it. The Tessier Saga has its latest chapter opened for us all to see.

Tessier (he of terrible website fame) has today returned for a second stint with the Nothingham Panthers. A team he, of course, vowed never to return to because he “hated the city”. Now if you think for one second that was mere Steelers PR, well I don’t know where you get your crazy ideas.

Tessier seems to have taken on the role of Snowball from Orwell’s Animal Farm. Having arrived in Sheffield mid-season last year following the departure of Jeremy Cornish, Tessier proceeded to revive a Steelers team, though still in the hunt, from what was a down turn and centre them to the Playoff title, culminating in the Steelers fans screaming in almighty joy as Tessier taunted the Panthers fans in, what of course wasn’t a PR stunt!, lifting a set of Golf Clubs over his head on the ice of the NIC.

But all of a sudden “the truth” emerged!

Tessier was cast asunder! He wasn’t the player they had seen on the ice who scored umpteen points, won 90% of his face offs and basically ran the show!

No!

He was the problem!

He had to go!

Booo Dan Tessier! Boo and Hiss!

Dave “Napoleon” Simms played it coy!

Bob “Squealer” Westerdale told us the “truth”!

And the poor animals of Sheffield and SteelTalk, lapped it all up.

It wasn’t Snowball! It was “Steeeeeeeeve”!

So what now?

Dan’s crossed back over the fence to Foxwood Farm and the “Biggest Rivalry since God v Devil” continues with a bit of spice.

Here at The Plough we’ll be entrigued to see how Simms and Moran spin the various issues.

We await Tessier’s claims that “The reason I didn’t return previously was that I didn’t see eye to eye with Mike Ellis, but that’s all good now he’s gone”.

We await the fickle fans in Nothingham hailing their saviours return “We never really hated you.. we were only kidding, you’re great!”

And we await the Steelers fans continuing to fall for the Simms-Star PR machine telling them what they should think of it all!. BOOO Dan Tessier! Hisssssss!

It’s all rather exciting really, isn’t it?

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Just to add . . .

On the crazy news broke to the world by Mr. White today of referee's wearing black uniforms there is one positive I would just like to mention.

That infamous chant lost at football grounds a decade ago will be revived at hockey rinks across the U.K.:

"Who's the bastard in the Black? . . . Who's the bastard in the Black?"

4 is the Magic Number

Months and Months and Months and Months ago The Plough brought you the news that the EIHL were deciding upon at 4 man refereeing system. Well it seems they finally came to that decision with today's announcement of the new 2 referee system for all competitions.

Now the cynical ones among you will claim that now there are two bumbling fools ready to make twice the amount of errors. And of course, you'll be right. However The Plough would like to bring up another stumbling block in this great plan from EIHL towers.

Shirts.

The new god-awful referee and linesmen shirts no longer bare the traditional black and white stripes but will be predominantly black with a silly looking coloured band denoting their on-ice role.

Now apart from looking like some 1970's sports shop reject, these shirts will bode very well with the large collection of mainly black away shirts to be worn by Nottingham, Manchester, Newcastle and a black third shirt brought out by Belfast.

Whomever at EIHL Towers thought up this bright idea clearly did not think it through. I hope that the new outfits will come especially padded for those high passes. And no doubt they will give Sheffield fans the opportunity to cry about the "Extra 4 men in Black" when the Panthers beat them at the Sheffield Arena.

So, apart from the fact that you are bound to get an inexperienced ref, alongside an experienced one and hence some strange and inconsistent calls in the game. You may also be spending your time confusing the ref for a forward on an odd man rush.

I think this can be described as, Classic Elite League!

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Andre Payette and the George Laraque factor

It is funny what a deluge of rain across Britain will do to a man. I have just spent the last six weeks away from home only to return to this cloud covered land and already I have hit the bottle. I spent the day rummaging through the various websites and message boards that make up the rumor hub of the Elite League to see where exactly we all stood just a month and a week shy of the opening games of yet another hockey season.

Not much, as I have found out, has been written over the summer months about the Laraque/Payette tandem, but those who write about our sport and those who play in it have been talking about it in hushed tones and now word has finally leaked out that Andre Payette and his fitness coach back in Canada have called in the toughest man in hockey, George Laraque to train the Vipers enforcer in the finer arts of fist fighting ahead of the new season.

It all made sense and I recognised what he was up to immediately. From his tearful breakdown behind the Vipers locker-room after losing his third straight fight last season, to the delusional thinking that he was still heavy weight champion of the EIHL. Rumor had it that upon learning of other enforcer’s off-season training regimes, Payette went into a fit of rage and his trainer realised something had to be done to bring his man up to standard for when the gloves were dropped.

Looking back now, however, it is easy to see why Payette fell apart behind the Vipers locker-room that night. There he was – losing fights, his crown slipping while moments earlier he had been interviewed for the local paper and was trying to explain why he was “Still the best fighter in the league”.

It is entirely conceivable – given the pride Payette carries on his fight record that three defeats in a row and the rise of such men as Lewis and Cloutier to the top of the fighting table, that his mind snapped completely when he saw a post on one forum suggesting he was no longer one of the top 5 fighters in the league.

There was no doubt about it: The man from Cornwall, Ontario had turned to George Laraque as a last resort. I have yet to unearth were these training sessions are taking place. A local rink or a local boxing gym? Nobody could answer this one, and I was not able to press Payette himself for an answer, all e-mails were not returned. One bit of information I did find was that the costs were high and that Laraque had only given Payette discount rates because Andre’s cousin had played with Laraque in Junior hockey.

We can only speculate on all of this, because those in a position to know have flatly refused to comment on rumors concerning Payette’s training sessions with Laraque. I tried to contact Laraque and when I was just two hours outside of Manhattan last week, I heard from a source that he was in town, but by the time I arrived he was long gone according to anyone I spoke too. The pretty girl from Queens doing reception at the Hilton said a large black man with a strong complexion had been seen leaving by the side door with a smaller blonde haired man wearing a Vipers hat. She said they were off to catch a flight to Montreal, but we were never able to confirm this. . . .

Friday, July 25, 2008

Macho-Macho Maaaan!

Get your calendars ready, the fixture list for the forthcoming EIHL season is but days away. And if you have the cash to spend on the higher priced tickets, the higher priced beer, the lower standard game and the extortionately high price of fuel to travel, then you’ll be one of the few this season making the long trips to various rinks around the league.

Rumours abound that there is to be a reciprocal double header taking place between Newcastle and Belfast, with the Vipers fans certainly making their way to Belfast in January for back to back games, while the Belfast fans are, possibly, making the same type of trip to Tyneside, earlier in the season for a double header.

As we go to print, the ticket prices have gone up in Newcastle, Manchester and Edinburgh. But one thing all three have in common is the “Walk up” price. The fact that you will pay that little bit extra by buying your ticket at the box office on the day of the game. Edinburgh is the worst in TSP’s* opinion, £16.50 to sit in a broken wooden seat in a freezing cold rink, where they don’t allow you to bring beer into the arena on penalty of Bagpipes!

While in Manchester they are pushing the £17 mark, probably in order to pay for the plasma screens. Would you pay £17 a game to watch Hockey on TV?

And in Gerordieland, the “Mincoff” (I’m leaving that one, it speaks for itself, I mean look at the shirt!) Vipers have upped their door price too. Goodness knows why, if they want to save money that old electric heater used to heat the players bench can now be replaced by Andre Payette. The arrival of “Big Mac” has certainly made him surplus to requirements. But I guess Rob Wilson can’t let his old mate go eh?

Funniest news of the last week or so, however, is that the Nottingham Panthers are off to train with the Army to up their fitness.

“Who Do You Think you Are Kidding Gary Moran!
When You’re in Hull Watching Your Son,
The Panthers are off training with the Army Corps,
But we all know what part of their bodies will be sore,
So Who Do You Think You Are Kidding Gary Moran!
Your league chances are already done!”



*Well we at The Plough have decided to mock.. I mean.. jump aboard the “initial” bandwagon of “TCW”.. What “TCW” can actually stand for in real life, we’ll let you decide, comments please.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Return of the Mac! (It Is)

Well Well Well, Who would have thought. It seems that despite rumors to the contrary, the Vipers have secured the services of a player who captured their hearts only a few years ago. A big big gent by the name of Chris McAllister.

If you don't know or haven't seen Chris McAllister, then you're in for a treat. A player who dominated the BNL during his stint with Findus Cup winning Vipers, he may give the Vipers that physical edge. Goodness knows Payette won't. The 6 foot 7 inch NHL Vet is bound to be a favorite once again "on the toon".

Raul commented that he's looking forward to McAllister giving Ndur a good hiding, but hey, aren't we all.

BOW BEFORE MCALLISTER!

Monday, July 7, 2008

The Biggest Blog in Sports History Ever! EVER!!!!

Yeah, we're still here, keeping our ear, and our head and, a lot of other more erotic pieces of the anatomy stuck firmly to the teet of UK Ice Hockey News.

Unfortunately that teet has become dry in the last couple of weeks and a few hairs have got stuck in our teeth, but thats a different matter.

One thing we have noticed is that the "Biggest Joke, err, Rivalry in Sports History"; The Steelers and the Panthers, have become the first two teams to fill their rosters in preparation for the new season.

Myself and Raul were chucking at this only days ago (I say chucking, I was laughing, and I instructed "Big John" to ensure Raul was chuckling also!). Fact is, where is the fun in that? All signed up? What do the fans have to talk about now?

In our humble opinion the Panthers team looks like it isn't going to have the firepower it requires, yet will no doubt bore the lamps of the NIC crowd with an uber-defensive game.

Meanwhile, "ikle Sheffield" will find themselves being thumped about due to distinct lack of bulk. No doubt tears will be shed, spin will be fired by Mr Simms, and 2 of the new guys will be gone by December as they try to recoup their losses and sign someone who wont stay down when Hull come and hammer their forwards through the plexi!

Hull, as I've mentioned, are currently shopping at CostCo for their players, low in price, big in volume. Buy Bulk and the people will come. Fair assumption, worked for Paul Newman. (His Salad Dressing is superb!)

In Manchester, They've signed Nick Fury, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D, as their latest big name. It is admirable that the guy has the determination to play on despite his affliction. But does that make him exempt from “banter”? Here on the Snow Plough we say no, and we’ll be keeping a good eye on Polyphemus’* progress.

Steve Thornton has continued his signings in Belfast by picking up Dobby Bobbins or Robby Poppins or something like that. While new forward Andrew Martin has big skates to fill to surpass his namesake, former Giants forward Gareth Martin.

As we on the Snow Plough told you aaaaagggeeees ago. Carlyle Lewis will be displaying his mediocre hockey in Coventry this season. A rebuilding year for Thommo having lost some big names, so I hope for his sake Lewis will be doing some brick laying or plastering, because I think the Coventry fans will be expecting a lot more than they are going to get.

As for Cardiff, Edinburgh and Basingstoke…..

Well

Umm

They’re still about.

I think.

I really hope something happens soon in UK Hockey. It’s really boring at the minute. Have you seen NEIH? They are arguing over “ticket allocation”. While SteelTalk are “cockerhoop” over receiving receipts for their season tickets. The Panthers Cage (and the cats nipple hair) is, as usual, preoccupied by their obsession with the Steelers, while KotG talk about their favourite meal.

Christ.

Someone wake us up when something interesting happens.



*I'm not linking that reference. If you don't know it, look it up and educate yourself!

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

The Snow Plough: Inspiring Many

I think it was Charles Caleb Colton who once said, "Imitation is the sincerest of flattery," and over on some site called the Cats Pajamas or whiskers or something like that, we're seeing it first hand. Granted that site was around in the early days of this decade (and I must admit bringing some interesting articles and interviews) but our jump to the fore of rumors, rants and stories this summer has brought them back to life. Whoever is running it over there; we’re glad to have been such an inspiration, we accept your thanks.

Seriously though, I don’t think we have too much to worry about, we don’t moderate our comments. Your view is clutch.

~Raoul Duke
Raoulduke111 AT yahoo.ca

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

So you want a signed puck?

The easiest solution yet has been found by a baseball fan in Boston known as the "Hammer" who managed to get himself a ball signed by the entire bullpen by offering up nude pictures of his ex-wife. You may be asking what this has to do with hockey but bare with me.

I came across the story this morning on Deadspin via Roto-World:

One of them gets the idea that the "moneyshot" picture should be shown to the players in the Red Sox bullpen. So he folds the picture and flicks it over the railing so that it lands in the steps of the bullpen. And that is when the party really started. Papelbon comes out of the dugout during the game holding the picture in his hand with a bemused face looking for the guy who threw the picture. The whole section starts buzzing with excitement and Papelbon and the "Hammer's" friend who threw the picture start talking to each other. I cannot hear what was said, but during the next half-inning break, Papelbon emerges. The section goes nuts again and this time Papelbon signals to the "Hammer" to get ready to catch a pitch, and he throws a baseball to the "Hammer". It was signed by the entire Red Sox bullpen, and they wrote "Thanks for the bullpen pics"
Upon reading that I instantly seen how this could work in the Elite League: Simply get your seat behind the players bench of your choice, bring along some nude pictures of your WAG and start tossing them into the players bench in return for a signed puck from your favourite player. It's fail safe.

Warning: Don't waste your time trying this if you are in a relationship with a 'woman' from Coventry.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

We're open to your views too. Seriously!

Believe it or not the title is the truth -- we do care -- honestly! And to prove it we have decided to go ahead and open the blog up to comments like a real blog. After all without you people we wouldn't exist (ok, so we would still exist, we would just direct ourselves towards a different sport, but we love our British hockey and we love you all too).

It gets boring blogging on a one way street but we know you're out there, we read the forums and so we've decided to make your voice heard. You know we like the feedback, for good or ill and we want you all to engage in a bit of light hearted discussion on whatever we happen to blog about. Rip us, rip each other, rip the article, rip the subject of the article. Or if you really want, praise us -- we promise we don’t get bored of that, nor do we delete it.

So come on, click below . . . Buy the ticket, take the ride.

~Raoul Duke

P.S. Any anonymous tips, photos, suggestions, questions or queries you can direct to me at raoulduke111 AT yahoo.ca

Monday, June 9, 2008

Tessier / Steelers scandal reminds us hockey hasn't gone away, you know!

All has been very quiet here lately. We have been outside in the summer sun trying to remember what ice hockey looked like. Still, we were brought back to reality when a call from a friend informed us of a newspaper article that Sheffield Steelers hot-shot Dan Tessier had been sacked and then stabbed in the back for good measure.

This got me jumping . . . I like nothing more than a bit of good scandal. Of course, moments after clearing the dust from my keyboard and logging onto the interweb, I realised that slick Dan Tessier hadn't actually been knifed in the back, but still there was a web of finger pointing, deceit and 'he said, she said' about it all. This was my ballpark.

There is no point me going over the entire story again. If you care you probably know by now and if you don’t know by now you probably don’t care and if somehow you do then check the above link to the story.

Like the professional I am I got on the ball and called some contacts who could not locate Dan. When I talked to the Steelers they denied they had ever heard of anyone called Dan Tessier but I finally got a number from an ex-pro I often drink with and when I called the number I was greeted by a man claiming to be Dan Tessier's agent. He informed me that Dan wouldn't be talking to rogue journalists but did confirm to me Dan's disgust and hurt at the entire situation.

"Dan is a winner and he is terribly upset at how bitter the playoff victory back in April now tastes in his mouth. He was sure the team loved him when they handed him a set of Golf clubs during the post-playoff-final-game celebrations," (to show off to them hated Panthers, an ex-team of Dan's that could in a dramatic twist become his new team again). The agent went on to say, "Dan now feels ashamed and embarrassed to find out them clubs were not meant to be used as a departing shot at the Panthers fans left in the crowd but more as a departing gift from the Steelers organisation as he was getting his contract ripped up. He should have seen it as the first sign that they would rather see him on a Golf course than the Sheffield ice next year".

When I pressed the fellow further on Dan's response to this gesture all he would say is that Dan no longer has the golf clubs but he will be getting a gun, whether that be as a successful applicant to the Canadian Provincial Police or for his own safety when he returns to Nottingham is yet to be known.

The best bit about it all is that it is set to run and run. Happy June folks.

~Raoul Duke

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Endorsing Sassy Cassie

With the American Presidential election primaries in full swing and endorsements being all the rage the Plough would like to make an endorsement of its own:

Cassie Campbell as coach of the Belfast Giants.

For those not quite aware, Miss or is it Mrs. Campbell is a beautiful beautiful woman currently working as an analyst for Hockey Night in Canada on CBC. We here feel her talents are wasted there and should be much better dipping her fine big toe on the end of her fine long legs into the water of coaching starting with the Giants. Sassy Cassie we believe would lead the Giants to levels unattainable by any male coach and Steve Thornton in realising this would gladly step aside for a year as a player assistant coach.

Cassie Campbell is the only person, male of female to win Olympic Gold twice for Canada and is regarded by many as one of the great Canadian woman hockey players.

In asking Giants fans for an opinion before writing this revelation, I was met with a unanimous answer. "It is about time the male fans of this hockey club had someone to drool over and stalk since the woman fans of this club have been enjoying that pleasure for eight years now".

Cassie would join her 'brother' Pete Campbell at the Giants should he choose to re-sign. Rumour had Pete Campbell going to Nottingham but with his 'sister' in toe, he refused to have such a good-looking girl live amongst the Nottingham woman.

P.S. Talking about Nottingham/Belfast player interaction. Ryan Shmyr.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

I'm in a bit of a Russ... I mean Rush

I never doubted my good friend Raul to come up trumps with his blog. A good friend he is and his claims of "Heavies" were just good friends of mine calling round for a chat. They may like to lift weights, but its not fair to call them heavy!

Anyway, seems a bit of a fuss has been caused over this top end Brit rumored to be heading Belfast way. It may not be the former Blaze player some think. With Jamieson heading one way, maybe to be joined by Lewis, it's alleged that Russ Cowley may be travelling the other way. Maybe (how many "maybe"'s in one blog? loads!) Thommo has more work to do in getting his team as strong as they've been in previous seasons?

In other news, The Panthers still cry too much.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Writing on nervous energy in lockdown from the sunshine

Hi, folks, I am still alive and I still drink whiskey at night. It's been a few weeks since I submitted anything to the Plough and after two threatening phone calls and one threatening visit from heavies dressed in dark suits claiming to represent Mr. Derek White, I figured I should sit down and pen something . . . Anything to keep my kneecaps.

Mr. White is a close colleague and we go back many years from our days on the local sports desk but this site has opened up a new and vicious side to him that quite frankly makes me very nervous. I haven't seen or heard from him in weeks and the only contact I have (except through the heavies) tends to be one line e-mails. Straight to the point. Of course knowing Mr. White as I do, once this piece appears online he will send me a case of beer with a 'no-hard-feelings' note attached, for good or worse.

The British hockey scene has gone eerily quite over the past few days. In the month of May, Elite League news (good or bad) is rare, and every glittering ounce of it should be cherished and hoarded and worshipped and fondled like a priceless diamond.

Rumor talk has slowed and people are starting to move outside into the British sunshine away from their computers -- for the few weeks that we will actually see sunshine. Then when the rainy season in July and August comes along we will head back indoors to get up-to-speed on our team’s signings, you know, when the real import signing news starts to heat up.

Those of you reading this in our early summer afternoon are either chained to a desk in work or carry some bizarre allergy to bright sunlight. If it's neither of the above and you can simply not get enough about what your team is doing, then your issues are only just beginning. Someone close to you, someone who cares, should have you committed to a Mental Hospital, and locked down with restraints until you get your entire body dyed bright yellow, which will stay on your skin forever, or at least until you can turn off your machines.

As I ramble on, thinking of something hockey worthy to write about I pause for a coffee break, a quick check of Sky Sports News and then a return to this bastard of a machine to continue writing. My tan will not top up at any speed when living this kind of lifestyle -- hiding indoors for the good of the Plough and for the good of my kneecaps.

While boiling my kettle my mind beings to drift and I remember a time when the wage cap in British hockey was strictly adhered too -- or at least that is what we believed. We were all more innocent back then and rumors of player signings were not splashed all over scum websites such as The Snow Plough before the teams could release their news first. Wait, ignore that last sentence.

Remember the golden days? When Bob Zeller still walked the concourse of the Odyssey, when Tony Hand was one of few Brits in the league, when Coventry was in some other league and our Nations capital - London - had a team as well?

The league had its cap, the import limit was limitless or even very high, as it eventually became, and the rules were the rules for one and for all.

Where am I going with this?

I seem to be wandering, here, so let us drag ourselves from those innocent days of yesteryear and confront the terrifying reality of now.

The rules are changing as we read, type, speak, drink and wake up each morning. The latest is the split in rules between the top half and the bottom half. The top four from last season will play with one import less this year as the league look to balance things out. Whether you or I like it or not, it is happening and there’s nothing we can do to stop it. The excuses have already been laid down in stone, whatever side of the fence you sit on regarding the new rules:

1. Your team only won because you had that extra import that scored 130 points this season.
2. Your team only won because even with one less import - you broke the wage cap.

Watch for the farcical debacle at the seasons end as team unable to win the league look to throw games in order to assure themselves of an extra import slot for the following season - the back-up tenders will be hung out to dry, with an offer-sheet of a contract for the following season should they come through - 'for the good of the team'.

And all that brings me to predictions. Yes, I have a hunch. I have narrowed it down to two teams and a hunch is a hunch whether it comes to me one week before the season begins or four months before.

It is this simple.

Whoever wins the championship next year will be the big four team that suffers the least injuries to their reduced import quota -- The team that 'maximises' the wagecap and gets away with it. That is what it will take to survive the Elite League in the season Twenty Hundred and Eight/Nine -- and that team is probably Nottingham.

Of course those of you that can risk a few pennies on a longer shot team might want to look at Edinburgh as an outsider. They, of course, get the extra import and are building something up North. Yes folks, Edinburgh. That lifeless worm of yesteryear will turn into an invincible golden snake with countless arms and legs. They will be terrifying.

And on that note, I await my case of beer from Mr. White.

~R.Duke

Arriving.. on a Jet Plane

What a palaver at Terminal 5 eh? I mean all those bags. Baggage Handlers are tough to come by and if they aren’t properly trained then you end up craziness!

Anyway. One Welsh Goalie in position for the Belfast Giants and only a matter of time before the second.

These comments are totally unrelated.

So the brits are flying into the Giants squad and the Plough comes to believe that this isn’t the end of things…. There may be another top drawer brit on the way… the pound signs are flying and questions are being asked, but Steve Thornton is ready to put together a top drawer side with home players as the backbone. Lets hope this new brit is as tough as steel.

As for the Coventry Blaze, Thommo has had a few player to replace with the departure of Martin and Huppe, but are Jamieson and Carlyle Lewis really the answer?

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Darren., Not Derren!

The Belfast Giants have certainly been the quickest out of the blocks this season with the signings, but other teams are slowly trickling in too. David “Cheeks” Longstaff is back in Newcastle with the Vipers while apparently Ben Campbell and young Jeremy “Jez” Lundin have been on that ever blipping Giants Radar.

Meanwhile the “Playoff Champion” Sheffield Steelers are still polishing their first piece of decent silverware since Darren Brown was still a free man. Seems that their Golf loving forward may not as keen to return as previously thought. Despite his contract option to return and his “out spoken love for the club”, it is alleged Mr Tessier is looking for another chance to fail to impress on the European scene.

And the Panthers? Well it seems they are having half an eye on Carlyle Lewis. Ryan Shmyr allegedly failing to impress their new coach Mr Neilson. But to be honest.. who cares.. they’ll spend lots of money, cry a lot about others doing the same, claim they “should move to the DEL” then not justify any of their crying, wailing and spending by once again being also-rans in the league championship.

The EIHL amuses me.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

"Too Many Men"

I pity the fans of the "lesser 6". I mean it's bad enough that their financial situation is poor as it is, and if you ever go to Hull you'll see that the crowds there are about as strong as Stephen Hawking, but they soldier on regardless!

And if it wasn't bad enough.. now their pride has been taken by the league.. who have decided that its better to "give them a hand" and change the rules. It's like being back at school when playing football and girls were involved.

"You can't tackle the girls in this game"

I wonder will that be a new rule? You can't check the young players.

This could be quite an entertaining off season if this sort of things continues. We're still under a month from the end of last season and we've had our first rule change. One a month should be just right.

May: "Multi-puck game to employed if no result after triple OT"

June: "Each team must ice at least one Over 50 year old player"

July: "For every goal, the opposing team must remove one article of clothing"

August: "Rush-Goalies"

That should do it.

Oh by the way, Leigh Jamieson is signing for Coventry.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Panthers looking for 'lottery funding'

Following the information from my colleague Derek White, I got a call from one of our sources in Nottingham. It appears Neil Black, the Panthers chairman has been spotted coming out of a local newsagents with 5 national lottery tickets in one hand and prayer beads in the other.

It's oh... so quiet...shhhhh....shhhhhh

ZZZZZzzzzzzz, ZZZZZZZZzzzzzz,

*prod prod*

ZZZZZZZzzzzzz, ZZZZZZZzzzzzz

*kick*

*cough* *splutter* Huh? What? Huh? Oh.. sorry, I dosed off there.

Yes things have gone awfully quiet on the old EIHL front.. I know that the Panthers have decided they are above the law, while, Reservoir Dogs reject, Mr Black is watching too much of the Apprentice, or reading Roman Abramovich’s auto biography, with his hiring and firing.

Mike Ellis has been the most successful Panthers coach since the turn of the century, winning two trophies in two seasons, so OF COURSE he should be fired you petty fools! He’s both too big for his boots AND bringing too much happiness to the folk of Nottingham.

In a city where gun crime is at an all time high, firing someone can mean an all matter of different things, but where will Mr Ellis (whose career path is naïvely misjudged, having now been successful with the Bees AND the Panthers… idiot) disappear too… The Plough has it on decent authority (not great.. just decent), that Mike will follow the bread crumb trail left from the NIC by his predecessor Mr Adey and travel to the Italian League. A league where being successful, and winning trophies is seen as a GOOD thing…?!

Those Italians and their crazy views on life eh!

Right, I’m off back to sleep.

Friday, April 18, 2008

The Animals Came In Two By Two...

There must be something in the air out there in Austria. I mean, How many kids did General Von Trapp need? And what killed Mrs Von Trapp? Having all those kids for sure!

Well it seems our friend Mr Thornton is bucking the trend with the Giants and has signed another Brit to a 2 year deal. This time it's Stevie Lyle. The Plough told you yesterday of the Great Welsh Masterplan, and it seems part one has been put in place.

As for Part 2?

Watch this space!

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Princes of Wales

Seems the Belfast Giants are in the market for a “Welsh Dream Team” (you don’t see those words together often). Despite rumours to the contrary, it seems that Stevie Thornton is very keen to retain his former Cardiff Devils team mate and same-first-name-buddy Stevie Lyle as Giants backstop. But it don’t stop there ladies and gentlemen, oh no!

The Giants are looking to form their own Welsh Male Voice Choir by putting Nathan Craze by the door as his back-up. The difference with Nathan in goal is that Thornton doesn’t need to make a gentlemans agreement with other coachs to ensure the back-up doesn’t face anything more than wrist shots.

Harsh!

":thf:"

THF. Eh? What a forum, made up of “those who know”, “those who think they know” and “those who don’t have a bloody notion but will shout till they are heard”

I mean you look at some of the quite hilarious speculation on there and you’ll find some deep seeded opinions formed in some cold, damp Heineken league rink, as Barry Davis commentated on Rick Brebant scoring his 12th of the game for the Durham Wasps….. it aint like the good ol’ days is it! These young whippersnappers!

The Plough loves THF be it only for the recurring nonsense and wide of the mark speculation. But mainly for its attempt to be a “brand”. Have you noticed that some people won’t type the letters “THF”. They feel the need to use the little logo? Just in case you weren’t sure what THF they were talking about. I mean you could be talking about Tetrahydrofuran, it’s an easy mistake to make… or you could mean ThirdForce plc. all very reasonable. But no.. there isn’t any doubt when you use the little “branding”.

Anyway… Roll on THF7…. Oh.

A Irony Bombshell from the Panthers dropped on us all

If you spend any time nerding it up on the hockey message boards all day long looking for some juicy off season gossip then you will probably have came across this little catch.

It leaked on the Devils forum at first then spread across the interweb quicker than some chain mail that promises true love within six weeks if you forward it to more than ten people.

At first the rumors were tame - player signings, who would be playing in the league next year (same as last year), and what the future was for a team potentially playing out of Dundalk one day. Then came this bombshell:

"Neil Black has told the other clubs that he will break the cap regardless so he can give his punters a better class of hockey."

Now take a moment to digest this and if your not quite sure who this is we're talking about - it's the Nottingham Panthers. If you’re not quite sure about the irony in this then let me inform you that the Panthers are the first to cry foul upon every signing any other team makes.

"Wage cap, wage cap" can be heard echoing across the East Midlands throughout the off-season and only a few days ago a new British record was smashed when after just a matter of days into the new off-season. The Belfast Giants signed Colin Shields to - in what Nottingham terms must have been - a £500K per year contract. The Giants in that one signing flew across the leagues wage cap quicker than Rod Stevens will fly across the Odyssey ice next season.

So back to this quote from Mr. Black. Did he actually say this? Surely not? Well if he did then he has either (a) exposed the wage cap for exactly what it is - a waste of time, or (b) shown a complete disregard for the rules. Where will it end? Will the Giants and Steelers match his spending spree? Ladies and Gentlemen - Welcome to the British Super League part deux.

Still, it's neither 'a' nor 'b' that I give a toss about - It's the shear irony of it all.

~Raoul

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Hutchins signs in Edinburgh

Strike the story I was just beginning to write ... My phone has just went and it was the source back in Calgary. The guy has barely let me land after a long flight home before calling. Anyway, It seems that ex-Viper and ex-Giant, Jeff Hutchins has signed for the team North of the border - the Edinburgh Capitals. This isn't in the public domain yet but the story is legit. Hutchins will be teaming up with close friend and Capitals GM/Coach Doug Christiansen and will add a huge scoring touch and a physical element to the Capitals side for next season.

More to follow … Thanks for reading. I'm off to shower.

Monday, April 14, 2008

The Plough goes 2 for 2

If the Leafs had a powerplay as accurate as us they would still be playing hockey right now.

We promised a reliable service and already we're delivering. Of two rumours we brought you yesterday, both have eventually hit public domain and proved to be correct. Opening things up we informed you of Immelman's Immanent Masters victory with 5 holes to play then followed it up with breaking news of the Belfast Giants signing of Colin Shields to a two-year deal.

Always proving to be one day ahead, you heard it here yesterday and heard it in the mainstream media today.

Watch this space for more developing stories in UK hockey.

A freak meeting with an old friend of ours

Good morning and Good evening, Men, Woman, Children, Friends, Foes and Blaze fans. Firstly, a big thank you to my good friend and long term press associate Mr. Derek White for the invite to give my thoughts on British Hockey and even hockey further a-field.

How I came to be here all started just a few days ago when talking to Derek on the phone after a long flight away from the playoff weekend and away from that overcrowded and smelling press box in Nottingham area to Calgary to let my hair down, in the fresh air of the rocky mountains.

I was telling Derek a story about an interesting night out I had on what they call the 'Red Mile' in the centre of Calgary. When he heard the story he said it had to go online. I told him,

"By all means tell that story old friend, the masses will get a kick out of it, but beware a bitter few that you beat to the news may hunt you down like a dog. Remember some people do not like an unofficial breaking of any kind of story."

"I wont hear of it" he replied, "You tell the story. Let them hunt you down like a dog". And so, that’s how it came to pass that I sit here now in this two-star hotel room on the edge of Calgary on my dying laptop watching the Masters golf and telling you why I am here, why I am writing and how my coincidental meeting with a former Giants star lead us to our first source to what Mr.White decided would form the perfect website.

What is a man broken of money from a weekend in Nottingham to do with himself over a long week in Calgary other than hit the bar with a red hot visa card. It was on the way out of one gentleman’s club on the lookout for another, when a bruising man passed me on his way in. If I hadn't of had my head up like the hockey player within me I probably would have been ran over.

"Excuse Me," I said. But as he looked down at me ready to spew out a line of verbal trash, I realised who the bastard was that stood before me. Now normally I am not one for holding back on a persons name, but out of courtesy, respect and future information from this old friend of ours I will with-hold that name for now. Worry not though, I have him by the balls. No man should be seen in such a drunken state at such a venue as this. Wait . . . Have I just implemented myself?

Anyway. We went into the pub next door for a couple of beers and a bit of catch up. We talked about the old days of British hockey, the present days of British hockey, and then about the future. Boy this man still kept tabs on British hockey and he was full of information that other sources would die for.

It was then that a deal was struck and for now no more shall be said. I left that bar and wondered aimlessly for a while before waking up the following morning trying to remember everything I was told. Had this incident really taken place? At that moment I got onto the phone to Mr. White and so here we are, watching the final holes of the Masters golf and looking forward to another summer of off-season hockey.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

If three's a crowd.. whats 4?

We all know that Hicks can't be trusted, and the Carsons whistle happy and that the EIHL fans can jump on refs backs as quick as billyo...

however what of the current chats going on with Simon Kirkham and Andy French that propose a 4 man reffing system? Surely the EIHL dont have the personnel?

We know that Mr Staniforth vows never to ref again and is back on the lines... while some lino's and refs are happy to do EIHA but not take the step up due to the EIHL being demanding without many rewards... so will this be another attempt to push a change that wont stick?

When will they ever learn?

All Celts Together?

Seems the proposed "Celtic/Northern League" may be gaining speed, a few of the EIHL teams are unhappy with the running of the league and are pressing for a northern based league that may invove the Stingrays and the Vipers.

The Scottish teams would be in.. but Belfast wish to hold in the EIHL as long as they can.

Shielded from the Sun!

GB Team are out in Austria enjoying the international scene. Word from the camp is that the Belfast Giants are about to announce the signing of Colin Shields on a 2 year deal.

But Mr Shields is not traveling alone. No No.

Seems his Vipers line-mate Mr Jackson is to cross the Irish sea alongside him.

Blame is on the Boogie!

Taylor Made?

First a Little Non-Hockey News, Our friend at the CBS Sports Desk says that Immelman was already being sized up for his Green Jacket before the first ball was hit.